If I Lose Myself
by partyhard.darius
Summary: [Rooster Teeth/Funhaus] -Song lyrics from OneRepublic's 'If I lose Myself' are used. - After a successful streak of heists, and after a group young arsonists burn down the remains of Adam's home. He now lives with Lawrence, who is changing in front of their eyes. After continuous denial from Lawrence, they both receive answers to the they've held for so long. Lawrence S x Adam K
1. Here Comes The Rain Again

_I stared up at the sun._

It was a heist that was seemingly going good. They had adventured deep into the city, through the back alleys and passed the drug dealers they're known to strike a conversation or two. Successful, everyone calls it a night, and most return home outside of the city. Nobody wants to live around here, not with the excessive crimes they have been committing as a crew. They're feared, but they're also afraid. It's a cold Thursday evening, the rain aches from the skies above. It impales the grounds, shattering to dozens of small droplets. Creating puddles in some areas, small streams of water down an aging street. It's lovely, and doesn't appear to lighten up for quite a while. The sun had disappeared for the day.

In an abandon building, they had made a shelter. So that private life ever got in the way. They met here often. Broken windows give off evidence that there's something going on. But the heavy metal door that serves as their only entrance on the second level gives off a presence that there isn't anything here. They're an office in this old factory building. Hiding away from the life most think to be normal. The waters nearby remind them that this is real life. That this is what they chose. And they'll be damned should they go back to even ever pretend nothing is wrong.

There is blood stained onto their skins. Hidden to the naked eye, but quite visible to the men who has caused it.

Only two of the men are present right now. Both of them in thick jackets, leather gloves and a scarf. The weather around here tends to get colder than most because of living by the waters. And, the season changing. There's a small desk lamp sitting on the edge of the desk the pair are behind. Close to falling, it had to be a decent bump against the aging wood of the desk to have it fall over again. It's been shattered twice, baring hanging on with the use of duct tape. Fingers can be heard trailing against paper. The men are quiet, exhaling softly. They review what had happened, what they could of done better. It's a miracle any of them escaped with nothing but bruises or small cuts. They're quite easy to repair, to mend like new. The trailing stops, and the skies outside roar. They're upset, thunder flashing everywhere. It flashes, and in that moment. One of them catches a glimpse of the flash on the brick walls.

It shows off serial murders, devil horns and tails proudly swinging around them. He, the one with glasses shrugs it off. At least with this money, they can afford more equipment.

".. And we'll have to restock on supplies for the next mission." The other said, staring at his partner. Those beige eyes immediately cock, wondering if the other is day dreaming again. The back of his hand taps against the other. "Are you listening?"

Immediately, he shook his head. Staring back at his partner. There wasn't a smile, but more of a serious expression. How much longer could they keep going at this? He nodded. "Roger, Adam."

The two pairs of eyes wandered quickly to the window. They weren't far from it, simply turning around from where they stood. A boat passes by, signaling others that could be on the waters. Those men and women, they're working hard on bringing products and good to the city. Whether it would be shipping them out, or bringing in imports. They're repairing the damages the gang has caused. They don't really have a 'group name', but they sure have shared the spotlight when it comes to looking for these wanted men. The boat passes the front of the building, in the middle of the water as it travels slowly. Neither of them make a move, but enjoy the silence.

 _Thought of all the people, the places, and things_ _ **I loved**_ _._

Adam had lost his home outside of the city due to arson. They're looking for the select few adolescents who had caused it. There's webcam footage of them that has been circling the airwaves but all leads go no where, and the police aren't much of help. When they discovered that the ringleader had an unusual amount of ammunition for most guns the felons are using, he played it off that he's a gun collector. That he wouldn't dare use them in violent crimes. A background check told the officers that Adam is clean. Just an individual working at a factory they have never heard of. Since the arson about two months ago, he's been living with the gentleman beside him. They've been friends for years. But with the amount of time everyone has poured into stealing, robbing, and framing the city brings them closer. There's a tint of cigarette smoke that lingers in the room.

 _Damn, smoking is a terrible habit to pick up._

The man with glasses, he had put a cancer stick between his lips. It was a way to calm his nerves as he left the sight of the window. Going over to a couch that could barely support his weight. He sits on it roughly, and thankfully, the couch still stands. Relaxing, those roughed-up nerves calm down. Staring over to the darkness of the room. Where all their weapons stay. It's weird that the police authorities have yet to check to building for anything. But thanks to Adam's lies, it continues to stand in the darkness. It was like a sore thumb sitting in the middle of nowhere. Slightly taller buildings make the place hidden. Maybe that's why nothing has gone wrong yet.

The other approaches the man on the couch. Its color had been faded out by the number of years it sat in the sun, the rains, and the winds. It was something they needed when all the other suitable places in the room had been taken by their teammates. "You didn't start smoking until I moved in with you." Adam begins, looking down at his calloused fingers. The scarf around his neck falls from his shoulders thanks to gravity. Those hands went to fix the fashion statement, waiting for a response. He doesn't say anything. Looking away, and inhaling in a deep manner. The man with glasses takes a swing of his cigarette. Blowing smoke in the opposite direction.

"I know."

"Lawrence."

Pale digits went to grab the cigarette from his lips, resting between his fingers. Lawrence had caution not to let any of the ashes fall on the couch again. A small fire near live ammunition would of caused them all their lives. No, not again. Not like the nightmares that refuse to leave. God, they're weak, they're weak mentally.

The room is filled with silence, and neither of them say a word for about ten minutes. Adam adjusts himself where he sits on the couch. His dominant arm resting on the broken pieces of wood that was once an arm rest. He brings up one left, having it rest on top of the other while the other man finishes his cigarette. "Why?"

Lawrence doesn't answer. He sits up from the resting position he was in. Gets up, and pushes the rest of the burning embers in a small shot glass. There's so many empty bottles of liquor. Most of them broken after celebrating their victories. Nobody was arrested, nobody was seriously injured. And walk away with the share of the money. He's still going to question it after every heist, eh? There's no need to give him an answer. Adam is the cause of it, after all. It was a way to cool himself. To relax, to remember what life used to be living in this dreadful city. Before they threw out their dreams of getting their dream jobs. Getting their dream wives (or, husbands. It was questionable with Joel).

"Let's go home." Claimed one of them, grabbing medium-sized gym bags. What's inside? Probably firearms, or cash. It was always something random, something heavy. With the car they had stolen previously already sitting in a river somewhere around the city, public transportation will do.

Arriving at Lawrence's small, ran down house. It's actually a nice thought to have a roommate while Adam does his best to find another small apartment away from the city of the damned. Wonder if anyone ever struck it out big in that place. Probably not, as with every successful individual there is. There is an equally crazy one who somehow ended up with a firearm in their fingers. Pointing it at the man and causing a swift death. Important figures fall down every day. And the numbers grow the more dangerous heists the crew goes on. Fiddling around with his keys, he inserts the item into the lock. Turning it until it clicks, Lawrence removes it, a hand on the door knob and pushes it open with keys still in hand.

The rains behind them still pour down in a quick manner. This time, there's less sun in the sky. It's dark. The street the pair live on is probably darker. What sits in the driveway is a dud car to pretend that these two heterosexual men live a normal life. Nobody knows who they are, but they've seen their faces enough to recognize that they're friendly. For, now.

Nothing else lives inside this old, beat-up, one-story home. It was just the two men. Adam sleeps in the living room, on a sofa that's no less than five years old. What surrounds him are a bunch of computer equipment. Stacks of paper and newspaper as tall as the ceiling. If an earthquake decided to hit the place, Adam would've been crushed. Closing the door behind them, he shortly kicks off his shoes. Lawrence places the two gym bags on the ground by the tiny, round coffee table sitting in the middle of the kitchen. There's dishes in the sink that's been there for no less than three days.

None of them have time to do it. A faint smell of old guacamole fills the air. It never reached the bedroom, or else Lawrence couldn't sleep. He doesn't say anything, approaching the thermostat on the wall. Placing the temperature to something more pleasant, a bit warmer. Funny how everyone bitches about the heat when summer comes. But when the cold is here, nobody complains. They only complain because of the waters. The waters, they made everything so much colder than what it should be.

Stripping off of their heavy jackets, Lawrence throws them onto an empty kitchen chair. There's a coffee machine sitting on the countertop. Taking the top portion of it to see if either of them changed it before leaving, it seemed like none of them did. That's fine. Doing the appropriate tasks, he brews some coffee for Adam. It's not late, about ten in the evening. But they've been up since the early hours. When a heist comes around, neither of them sleep. Plus. There's something on his mind. Something that Lawrence needs to discuss. Discussing them on a public forum on the internet didn't seem right this time.

The smell of fresh coffee covered the smell of moldy food. Adam was in the living room, on his smartphone as he read the details of their heist. How already it's making the news. Something about this makes that resting, often upset facial features crack a small smile at the corner of his lips. "They're trying to find us again."

 _I stared up just to see._

Grabbing two mugs from the cupboard, he placed them firmly on the countertops. The coffee soon stopped brewing. Grabbing the pot carefully, Lawrence's hands started to shake. Fuck this cold weather, they're messing up even the simplest of actions. Pouring the liquid into the mugs, he filled Adam's to the top. While he stopped his mid-way. Placing the pot back onto its heating plate. He prepped his coffee the way he liked it- A bit of creamer, and some sugars. With both of his hands wrapped around the mugs, Lawrence went back into the living room. No less than six steps away.

Adam sees his roommate, promptly discarding his phone on the space next to him on the couch to take the mug out of his hands. He nods in thanks, while Lawrence takes a seat next to him. The one with glasses looks on carefully.

 _Of all other faces, you are the one next to me._

"Do you remember what we discussed with something happens to any of us?" He asks his partner. The other was taking a sip of his coffee. He nods while taking the drink, placing it down again between his fingers. Everyone remembers what would happen. Burn the body, split their assets between them and report them to their loved ones when the time was right. There's been close times where they almost lost one, or two. Not even all the medication in the world could cure them of that.

To lose someone, to have them be ripped out of their lives like that. One day, they're completely fine. They're smiling, joking about anything going on at the time. And the next, they could be gone. They could be covered in cold crimson. It could've been anyone. The images haunt them both, remembering a time where they had found a homemade bomb they created be faulty. And explode in Bruce's backpack. They had to cancel that mission soon after. It wasn't worth it going in with just them, when they required everyone's help. "I don't really think about it." replied Adam.

Those eyes are heavy, the darkening circles around them. They haven't had a decent night's sleep in a long time, and Adam is getting tired of taking sleeping pills to put his fragile mind at rest that everything is alright. Lawrence straight up refuses to take any medication. They have terrible side effects that negatively affects everyone involved. These nightmares, they'll go on for practically forever. Maybe even after they become irrelevant in their lifetimes. The thoughts are heavy and hard-hitting. But they have each other to cope through while they're on a small break. If this was a daily thing, there's no doubt any of them would of simply ended it then and there.

The money probably isn't worth it after all.

Time passes, and both men had finished their drinks. Lawrence takes both of the mugs and places them on the side of the sink. The sink too full to place after cup unless they were a fan of watching them collide with the floor. Shatter into a million pieces and break their backs so that neither of them step on broken glass during a sleepless night. Leaning against the wall, the living room is finally getting warm. It took a while, but it'll help them even if it was temporary. "Get some sleep." said the house owner. Adam stared up, nodding. There's a black cable that came from behind the couch. It was a phone charging cable. He attached it to his phone. Soon, getting up.

"Good night."

A hand is placed on Lawrence's shoulder. He doesn't say anything but nods. _Another cigarette would be nice right now_. Adam headed towards the bathroom. Flickering on the lights and closing the door behind him. A lock clicks, indicating the other is going to shower. Ah, another routine. It's never going to get old.

Forcing himself into his own small bedroom, he also turns on the dim lighting of the ceiling fan. And closes the room. The fan so weak there's honestly no point in turning it on. There's clothing everywhere. On his television, his dresser and desk. They've even on the floor, and a makeshift plan lies in the middle. They should be happy, they have more money than they ever thought they would. Well, Lawrence has about a hundred grand in savings. Money sitting in safes in his closet. But. But, it doesn't feel right. Maybe he's missing something. Missing someone in his life. Adam comes to mind quickly. Ah, no. Not these thoughts again. Shaking his head, he takes off his glasses, places them where he usually did on his dresser. And puts a hand on the light switch again. Turning it off, he shakes himself stupid. Sleep would do him good. Stripping down to just a plain, old white shirt and a pair of boxers, he climbs into bed.

The blinds are closed, showing off a street light in the distance. It shines dimly through Lawrence's bedroom window. There's gunshots going off in the distance. Rival gangs, maybe. But it was something that could put him to sleep. This bed, it's pretty soft. Enough to hold another person of his size. Already in a relaxing position, he quickly sits up. It's been ten minutes since Adam wished him a good night. Maybe, it wouldn't of been a bad idea to have the other switch it up. After all, they're adult men, they can admit what they love, like and dislike.

Swinging his legs to the edge of the bed, Lawrence stands stall in the darkness. The light outside guides him carefully to his door knob. Turning it, the sounds of running water had just stopped when he stepped in the hallway. Taking a few steps forward, he stopped at the only bathroom in the house. Adam is still there, doing god-who-knows-what. Raising up his hand, he knocked the door with his bruised knuckles. There's no response, he does it again. This time Adam faintly replied. It sounded like mumbling, not wanting to raise his voice up after such a long day.

"Hey, did you want to share a bed with me tonight?"

There is no response. Right when he asked, an electric shaver goes off. Ah, right. He's probably busy. There's no point. Why did he do this? "Never mind, I'll see you in the morning." Spoke the man, raising his voice.

Defeated, Lawrence drags his feet back into his bedroom. When he closed the door behind him, he also locked it. Goddamn, high school mistakes. Maybe these feelings, they were just for the moment. They're always so afraid to lose one another. They're always talking about it. Lawrence, though. Seems slightly more concerned about Adam than he does about anyone else. And don't get him wrong. He'd equally feel depress losing his friends. But losing someone like this? Even if the mistake wasn't a huge one, is devastating. Lying down on his bed again, he throws the thick blankets over his best. Regretting even getting up in the first place.

Tomorrow will be better, they'll get something to eat. Maybe then, Lawrence can confess. If their other teammates are completely okay with this. Nah, they'll joke around like always.

At least he knows he belongs somewhere.

A knock is heard at his door. It's evident on who it is. "Lawrence?" Could be heard on the other side. The man doesn't reply, so it makes Adam think that he's already asleep. And, he does. The other shrugs off the moment, returning to the living room. Settling down on the couch, he grabs his phone. Checking out more and more details of their heist.

The gunshots stopped as well. Sirens go off, rushing and cutting everyone off. It's always like that here. It's always going to be like that. Lawrence sighs, shutting those eyes slightly. Maybe in his dreams, that everything he's secretly wished always turned into reality. If only it applied to now.


	2. The Sun, It Cries

_You can feel the light start to tremble_

The skies came in this morning in broken patches. The sunlight fighting for it's turn in the sky over the crime-ruled city. This morning, the pair woke up a little later than planned. There was no use for coffee if they couldn't clean the pot out from the night before. Agreeing to go somewhere to get breakfast, they got ready. Though, after getting their morning planned out. Sonntag went back into his bedroom, closing the door. Sure, he'll have to dig somewhere in here for something clean. What it looked like didn't matter. It's probably chilly outside. He shrugged, grabbing his glasses and placing them on his face. Approaching the binds, unwinding them. The shaded sunlight tried cutting in. The street lights outside are still flashing their tinted orange hues. It's going to be a particularly gloomy day today.

Thankfully, there's no need for a job, at least, on Lawrence's side. It's nice being his own manager. But running on commissions from editing software at home can only last for so long until the fountain runs dried. Let's not think about that right now. Changing out of his sleeping clothing, he threw on a baggy sweater, and a pair of dirty jeans. They're still usable, though, smelly. There's been no time for laundry ever since Adam moved in. He even offered to help with that. _What, you're going to be my maid now?'_ exclaimed the other the first time. Kovic laughed, telling him a 'never mind, then'. Fixing his collar, Lawrence soon left the room.

The tattooed individual was ready, checking on his phone again. He threw on something similar, reusing that scarf from last night. Grabbing the keys left by the table, he threw a head nod at Kovic. Looking up from his phone at this moment, he nodded back. Pocketing the device into his sweater pocket. Taking a second look over his partner, he looks oddly attractive with ruffled hair. Shaking his head, he followed the other out of the house. Locking the door behind them, they walked to a local diner. That was the only downside to this lifestyle. Obtaining vehicles and actually taking care of them are a hassle. It's always much easier to deal, to pick off the weak. And to burn the evidence at the end of the day.

It's probably around ten in the morning as they made their walk. They shared a casual conversation, avoiding the interactions from last night. Yes, it was a mistake. But Lawrence couldn't remember the last time he had anyone in that bed of his. It had to be long before they started committing violent, and dangerous crimes together. Sunlight continues to fight with the sky, creating a more welcoming environment. It trembles slightly as the winds up above continue its dance. Soon, it cut away allowing more and more patches through. Lawrence makes an unfriendly groan. Kovic doesn't pay attention to this. His hands sitting inside of his sweater pockets, trying to keep those digits warm. One hand was wrapped around his phone in case something happened. It's great that they can walk around like this, none of them afraid of what if's.

Wrapping around the corner, there was a small diner. It wasn't popular, nor was it a widely known brand. But it served some delicious meals, and most put a smile on the criminal's face. He knew exactly what he wanted to order. Adam's been here before, once, or twice. Before they started their spree. He doesn't mind it, but often suggests something different. Something like a donut shop or a morning smoothie. The other has complained about this before, telling him that it doesn't fill him up. When it comes to food, they're all picky. It often results in going to multiple places, finally relaxing at their last stop and all eating together there. Not once have they ever been to leave because of it. Some people know their names. They always confused them, using each other's names. This is why they never use debit cards anymore.

Entering in the joint, a waitress greets the pairing. One giving her a nod while the other suggests a spot he enjoys to watch by a window. She nods, grabbing two menus and directing them to their seats. Once they sat down, they both immediately asked for coffee. Nodding away, she soon leaves to fetch them their drinks. Lawrence licks his lips, staring outside already. He watches the cars pass by like blurs. The street is a somewhat busy one. At this hour, the traffic has died. This road was the fastest way towards the city, it's a shame the diner doesn't get anymore business. The woman returns, placing two pearl white mugs on the table. Each of them nodded. When asked about their meals this morning. Lawrence went with the usual.

"Just some toast, please. Wheat. Butter and jam as well." Adam tells her.

Sonntag watches him, rolling his eyes after that. The waitress happily nods, taking their menus and disappearing to the front counter top. The other catches the last of that gesture, rolling his shoulders in response. "If I bring you out to breakfast, you're going to have something more than that."

"I'm not really hungry. Haven't been sleeping well."

It explains the bag under his eyes. Exhaling through his mouth, Lawrence leads back in the seat he's in. They're in a booth, by the kitchen. The way the sunlight hits here at certain hours is welcoming. It's a sense of reality he thought he lost when the jobs they started committing together. It's always nice to come back down to Earth again. Wrapping delicate fingers around a mug, it looks like it was recently shattered. Shame, this place has some fine wares when they decide to break out the 'fine China'. Really, pretty much most things here are placed back together with duct tape, or some kind of strong glue. Weird they haven't had the time to replace of it. Enjoying the smell of fresh coffee, Sonntag brought it to his lips, taking a sip. Adam has yet to touch his. During this time, he took out his phone. From what the other could see, it's a bunch of text.

Placing the mug back down, the other eyed the man, wondering what he was staring at. Those browns, as much as they're damaged and hidden away. They have a truth behind them. Maybe not for quite a long time. Years, maybe even decades. If, they live long enough to get there. He sighs, rubbing an eye socket. "I was trying to get something out of the bathroom last night." Lawrence began. Adam nodded, still staring at his phone. "I had sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet."

"I checked, there was none."

"I probably brought them back into my room by accident. My bad."

"Not a problem."

With that, their meals soon arrived. Adam placed down his phone on the table. And two ate silently. When it was time to depart, Lawrence picked up the bill. He simply dropped a one-hundred dollar bill on the table. Then, departed away from the streets. To a beach side area.

 _Washing what you know out the sea yeah_

"Why did you bring me out here? It's freakin' cold."

The beach wasn't far from them. It was under one of the many bridges connecting to the beautiful gray scale city. Lawrence didn't say anything, allowing the wind to ruffle through those short locks. Adam couldn't get an answer out of him, sighing away. A text notification goes off on the ringleader's phone. He checks it, sighing in relief. They must be a pair of weirdos, knowing that each of them check in with each other. To see if one got arrested, or if one is in great danger. Taking a step forward, Sonntag soon folds his arms together. "What's the status?"

"Everyone's good."

Breathing in, those rattled nerves calm down. Good, good. Everything is okay for now. Everything is alright. They're still able to see each other. They're still able to breathe the same air, and not worry about something. About what could happen. Goddamn, they're always so afraid of what could happen. If they lose one, it's over. It's all over. There's no point. Might as well move out of the country, go somewhere far away where nobody knows their name. Live in a society where they're socially accepted as tourists who never went back home.

The waters tumble against each other. Splashing their way to shore, dissolving into the sands and going back in again. It's a cycle, it never stops. The sun as its guide. To be honest, the clouds here with their dark, gray colors are making this scene so much more peaceful than it should be. It's lovely, it's well, cold. And inviting. Kovic takes a step forward, standing by Sonntag's side. He places his hand on top of Lawrence's shoulder. No words are spoken here. Turning his head, he smiled with both his eyes and lips. Slowly, they stare back into the waters again.

"When I was a mess of a child back then, my family used to come to the beaches at all times of the year." Lawrence began. "I-It's like, reassuring me that everything's fine. Figured it could do you some good. You've been looking tense lately."

"It's tough being the star, when nobody else wants to volunteers."

The moment goes quiet, and eventually. Adam drops his hand off of his teammate's person. He sticks it back into his pocket, grabbing his cellular device again. There's things that need to be done in preparation of the next event. The next heist. With this, Adam tells Lawrence that he'll see him later tonight back at their shared home. Nodding, the other turns around, and walks back to solid ground. Soon, nowhere to be seen.

Maybe he's taking it too quickly. Or maybe, he's too dumb to get the signs. It's been like this for a while, and only now has he started giving it more and more thought. Dammit. But, he's not wrong. There are things that have to be settled.

No.

It can wait. Lawrence eventually sits on the sandy, muggy beach side. He stays there for what it seems like hours. Soon, he gets up, and returns home rather quickly.

Idiot forgot his cellphone, something could be wrong.


	3. Glass

_You can see your life out of the window, tonight._

Later that evening, Adam had returned. He came back haul dozens of crates. The wood weak, and could easily be beat down. Lawrence had helped him bring in the supplies. How or where he got it is a mystery, and the other didn't want to even ask about it. The stacked at least four of them on the dinner table. And the rest on the ground. Sweat trickled down his face, soaking up his loose bangs. It took some time, but they were at peace again. There's so many questions he could of asked while bringing it all in. Because damn, those were heavy.

The ring leader threw himself on the couch, groaning that his back hurt. Lawrence was leading against the wall, quietly staring at him from a distance. He didn't say anything, and it was probably best this way. Those brown eyes stayed on Adam's body. When his phone began to ring, Adam lazily moved himself to reach for the device, check the name then toss it on the ground. The ringer had stopped, then started up again. Another groan came out of the man, turning on the couch. Stomach pressing down on the cushions. His blanket on the floor, the home owner stared on.

".. So are you going to tell me what's inside of those crates?" Lawrence asked, turning his head slightly. Adam didn't reply right away, instead, shook his head. "Am I ever going to find out?"

He said something, but it was muffled. Written on Sonntag's face was surprised. He turned again, but only his bottom half. The black boxers that Kovic is sporting is showing. Let's be truthful: those eyes were slowly undressing his best friend. There was more muffling, turning out nothing new. Rolling his shoulders, the other approached the criminal, leaning against the broken arm rest. He places a hand on the man's clothed leg which immediately makes Adam move quickly.

"Geez, sorry."

Did it scare him? Or is he getting too personal? It didn't matter. The other shrugged. Ever since they departed ways earlier in the day. The house is a bit cleaner than before. That is, having some dishes washed, trash thrown out and their darker clothing is currently being washed. There's an awkward silence in play, but the other's random groaning would come out every once in awhile. The groans had stopped completely, after Lawrence went into the kitchen to grab something for dinner. It was replaced shortly by snoring. Damn, and he thought he has it worse. Shaking his head, he slammed the refrigerator door shut. Warming up his meal, when it finished. The man went back into his bedroom. This time, leaving the door unlocked.

Sitting on the corner of his bed, he sat closer to the window this time around. The television, as useful as it is, just doesn't help on these kind of times. His phone sat quietly on the floor, next to the make-shift path around the room. This place is a mess, but when there's necessary planning that needs to be done, Sonntag simply doesn't have time for it. He removes his places, throwing them somewhere in the room. With a warm bowl in one hand, he used a fork to quietly shove food down his throat. Chewing a few times then swallowing them. The lights are extremely dim in his bedroom right now. It's nice that he can change the brightness levels of them, it was a decent feature when he picked this place. His cell phone received a notification, being too comfortable to move. He'll read it soon, whenever that'll be.

Lawrence's eyes wandered towards the window again. It was weird, how the overpowering silence combined with the sounds of vehicles roaring in the distance made this night actually pleasant. They're idiots, the men, women and children around here. They're all idiots in their own sense, they can't do anything right. And in this neighborhood, it had to be particularly worse. Gun violence comes to play, eliminating the weak. Closing his eyes, he took in a deep breath. It was shortly disturbed with the sound of a gunshot. It was close, probably on his street. Shaken, but still having his eyes closed. He exhaled, taking in another mouthful of seemingly cold food. Looking around the area, he placed the bowl and fork aside. Got up, and changed into sleeping clothing.

The silence has spoken, taken away by the yells of the evening. Of the ones that are life takers. The house owner has a pistol inside of his nightstand. Just in case someone, or a group of individuals decide to screw with the wrong target.

The notification on his smart phone still remains unchecked.

Weeks later, the crates that Kovic had brought into their shared home has been put to use. It contained fire arms, and ammunition, high-tech devices for the three that choose to stay out of the firefights. It also had a lot of money in one of them. The crew split it in seven different ways. Leaving a little less than what they all like, but it's starting to pay off. They're affording things one would never dream of. And thankfully, nobody knows who they are still. Just a group of men, their noses too deep into daily internet usage. If they had any jobs, they must of quit them all at some point. Lawrence still works on commission-bases, but he's taking lighter loads.

The crates left a giant mess in the living room, having all of their supplies all over. The smell of gunpowder is strong in the air, penetrating the moldy smell of the food. If they were to light a match here the whole house would disappear into a dark cloud of smoke. Adam's joked about that a few times, which makes the other question about his sanity. The heists, they're trying to get into their minds. Successful one after another. They're probably getting cocky. And let's admit it: they couldn't be blamed for it. When they're all talented for their actions. Slip-ups, or playing it casual instead of seriousness could cause them their lives.

Tonight, the pair eat dinner in Lawrence's room. A stomach growls, wanting something to crave its insides before it caves in on itself. Attacking the body instead for fuel. Hands on his lap, they sit on the same spot Sonntag was weeks before. Adam doesn't mess with his smart phone this time. It had shattered during one of the heists, a costly mistake. How dumb, it slipped out of his back pocket. Good thing, though. It rendered the entire device useless. They still won't know who it is. He's on a back up now, having issues with it already. It's a used device, tending to freeze after he dials a phone number. All the numbers he has now have to be saved, or risk the device freezing up. He's gotten so frustrated with this, punching a hole on one of the walls. It has yet to be repaired. Moving one over one of the many collectibles that Lawrence has of Japanese culture and animation it seemed to work for the moment.

Another growl, and he's appearing uncomfortable.

"You haven't touched your food." Spoke his partner. Eyes caught wind of this, immediately turning to stare at the human face next to him.

Kovic shaved earlier today, leaving only a mustache as his facial hair. The man also needs a haircut, but with his mental health quietly declining, Lawrence doesn't say anything about it. He shrugs, eyes making contact with a similar set of browns. "I'm not really hungry."

"So I can hardly sleep. And you're never hungry anymore."

"I have sleeping pills, I told you. But you don't take any. You never ask for them, either."

There's an unpleasant expression on Adam's face, Sonntag knows that stare well. He smirks slightly, eyes wandering back to the window. The blinds are beginning to fall off on one side, barely hanging on due to a drunken night of celebration when the whole crew decided to have a small party for themselves. That moment, it was extremely awkward.

While everyone else was in their living room and kitchen, pouring shots of vodka and laughing non-stop about how it could of went better. Of how they could of done this or that instead of petty mistakes. Adam had grabbed the homeowner by the collar of his plaid shirt, dragging him back into his bedroom. The tattooed individual was a bit tipsy, sure. It was quite some time since he had a drop of the world's poison in his system. Lawrence, slightly tipsy as well, pushed away his friend. Telling him to stop being weird. Of course, he was laughing between words, fully aware of what's going on. That's when Kovic grabbed a hold of the other's wrists, not wanting to let them go. This was proven after he squeezed them.

He fought back, telling the ringleader that he was 'squeezing the ever living fuck out of my wrist'. Adam laughed. He pushed Lawrence against the back of the door. A calloused hand dropped from holding the man down, going to the door knob and locking the place. That way, nobody can disturb them from what they're about to do. It wasn't dramatic really. It was something that maybe. Just maybe. Both of them wanted to execute. Between drunken, slurring words from Sonntag. Those lips of his was met with another pair.

The execution was terribly sloppy. Lawrence has had his share of smooching others, but he had to shake his head away to leave breathing space. That's when he had commented to his drunken partner 'you're really bad at this'. The other didn't say anything at first, he spoke with his eyes. It screams desire. No more words, eh? Had to be, as the chatter outside of the door had died down after being slammed against it. They're not at all secretive. But nobody said a damn thing either to stop the pairing. Taking the lead, the pair went at it. Adam's hands had dropped down, cupping the sides of his dear friend. That's when Sonntag had wrapped his arms around the other's figure, pressing their bodies even closer. It couldn't of been for long. Because someone outside of the door was trying to kick it after gaining no responses from knocking. One of their fellow teammates claimed it was the police, and they wanted the home owner to come to the door for a noise complaint.

Ah, that smooch. It was short lived. And so many weeks ago. After speaking to the authorities, each person made their way out the home. They either had rides from their own family members, other friends. Or simply walked home in the bitter cold. They couldn't drive, they're each intoxicated. It was quiet again in the home. Spilled shots of alcohol are on the ground, there's a dozen empty beer bottles of different colors. Lawrence put a hand against his forehead, wondering how he's going to clean all of this up. That's when there was a loud bang heard inside of his bedroom.

 _If I lose myself tonight_

He marched straight into the situation. The blinds that covered his completely completely were barely hanging on from one side. Adam's in the room, back facing his teammate. The man got closer, about to speak up with what the hell just happened. A clear colored liquid falls from the empty side of the window. From where the blinds had fallen off. There's glass, a lot of it all over. Eyes started on in disbelief. Every time Lawrence tried to speak, he cut himself off. That's when a quick discovery of Kovic's blood hands came into view. They're shaking, they're shaking violently.

The rest of that night was a blur. It was full of arguments. That one of them had to get help. The other argued that if he were ever to seek any kind of professional help, that they would know that they're the thieves, the criminals. The people of the faces of the causal and healthy. That they're the pairing causing serious hell for everyone. It's gotten so bad for the authorities, and so damn well for that the city is having extreme troubles in trying to hire new bodies to put this group to rest.

That was a really bad night. It was probably one of the very few nights that he saw Kovic completely break down. Alcohol, it does a number on someone. Strong or not, it destroys lives, more than it brings people together.

Neither of them had brought up the situation again. But Adam is starting to show slight concern for his friend. What could've happened? They stare on wordlessly towards the window. The dark clouds above reflect the light of the city. The orange tinted streetlight still hands off on the side. Showing off its hues and giving the room barely enough light. With the lights constantly so bright around here, they're never truly in the dark. A fork clangs against a plate, and the sounds of shuffling clothing means that the other is moving things around on the bed. Lawrence doesn't say anything, he doesn't move. He watches the clouds above in the open spot shift around high above. They're fools. They're all fools.

There's a new box of cigarettes, sitting in its packaging next to a lamp on his nightstand. Kovic eyes the item, groaning. They're all on a downward spiral. Pushing the thoughts aside, he begins to clear the bed. Throwing clothing and equipment off to the side. Someone's gonna need to sleep. After all, it's two in the morning right now. And the bad weather that they constantly have been receiving is starting to change. They could be a high point now, they could be actually happy.

 _It'll be by your side_

The ringleader got up quickly, lying down on the bed. He was on the side closest to the second bathroom, near the entrance of the room. Sitting up, he was on his side, an elbow supporting him up for the time being. "Lawrence."

He was staring at nothing, into space. To see the stars again. But that mind was snapped back to reality when he heard the other's voice in the background. Turning his head, he made a gesture that the words are heard.

"Turn around."

Taking the man's orders, he turned his body from the side of the bed, staring at Adam. What is he planning? The feelings, they still linger. They were weak before. Sharing that kiss made it even stronger. Right now, he could feel something twist in his stomach. Something churning. He gives Adam a weird look, refusing to speak. Patting the bed down in front of him, it's another gesture that he wanted Lawrence there. Sighing, he complied again. Kicking off his shoes from earlier, the man adjusted himself on the bed next to his slightly taller partner. At first, there's a gap between them. The awkwardness of the shorter one makes this a bit odd at first. Guess he won't make the first move. That's expected.

A soft chuckle escapes the other's lips. He came even closer, his face becoming difficult to read due to the darkness of the room. An arm came closer, touching the other's stomach. Lawrence shifted immediately away. "W-what are you doing?"

No words, only actions.

Kovic did it again, this time, scooting over enough that he can wrap his entire arm over his teammate. Pretending that this is more awkward than welcomed, he can't let the other know about how he feels. Fuck, it feels like they're in high school again. Little crushes developing into something bigger. He curses at himself under his breath, then begins to whisper. "Are you on drugs? Tipsy?"

Another laugh came out, this time to responding to the man's questions. He had that hand sitting on top of Lawrence's stomach to come closer. Tugging at his sides, he finally did move closer. Close enough that Adam had to nearly beg to make the other turn on his sides. When he finally did, there's nothing but silence. Their breathing is quiet, wondering what's going to happen next. This is definitely not a mistake. This is what they both chose. They're sober, they know what they're doing. Wonder what would the others think about if they were to ever find out? If anything, there's bets going on, betting dumb money on who's going to do what first. It's not a shocker that during heists. Lawrence is often staring at Kovic from a distance. The others would agree.

Did he catch on? Or is he doing this to mess around with Sonntag? Oh no.

That couldn't be it. If it was, he'd kick the man out of his house.

Well, no. Not that kind of extreme. It's going to be very uncomfortable for a while. They're still teammates. If anything, Lawrence would prefer to be dead, than have any of his teammates snitch on him because he forced Adam on the streets because of feelings. Imagine that. Shaking his head, the other came closer. Oddly close. Close enough that their noses are barely touching. Wanting to roll over, Sonntag wasn't allowed to. Kovic's hand refused to make him move. Here he is, up to the person he wanted to desperately kiss. Desperately have something with. Of all these years of being alone, he had to seek comfort for someone of the same sex. And, come on. There's some decent looking men out here.

There's an especially good looking one in front of him.

Another laugh, another chuckle. Adam was about to say something. Say something about the moment and who weird the other is reacting. He was cut off right away, barely getting a syllable in when Lawrence went in for the kill. His lips pressed hard onto his partner's. At first, they refused to the attachment. It changes rapidly, accepting the pair and returning the smooch. It was casual at first, soon stepping up the game and adding a bit more. The sounds of their lips smacking together filled the room. Kovic wanted to back off after he gained a taste of foul-smelling cigarettes tainted in Lawrence's mouth. It's a minor set back. But it doesn't stop. It doesn't stop either of them.

They go on, sharing more and more of the moment together. It felt like like hours, soon falling back to regular smooches. Gracing each other for a second. And when it had finally died down, they stayed close to each other.

That night, Kovic was able to sleep through without ever waking up once.

 _I lose myself tonight_

It's been about two months since the pairing first shared a bed for the night. Ever since, they've been bedding together. They don't speak much of it when they're out together in public. But behind closed doors, in their bedroom. It's free reign, and nothing holds them back. No, they haven't gotten that far sexually. They're still waiting for the right moment. Their relationship is nothing more than romantic interest. At least, on Adam's side. Something about being with man turns him off. Lawrence is always there, always. This is one of the many reasons why it's probably working.

Or, he's using Lawrence. As a sleeping aid. Poor thing, he doesn't know what he got himself to.

They're rolling in mad money now, each of them have enough to go into retirement now if they wanted. The good keeps getting better. There's less problems now after having one of their men be sent to the hospital for a 'stray bullet that hit him in a lucky area'. They moved their huge to be somewhere even closer in the city. Some location where they know the rich have money, and either can, or cannot afford to it all after a faulty wire transfer. On their free time, the little they have. The two have been watching old western movies on the homeowner's laptop. They'll cuddle up with each other. A mug of coffee, or hot chocolate for the frigid temperatures. Living closer to the waters made the temperature drop like crazy. At least in the daytime, it's so much more pleasant.

With bigger, and better plans to execute their ways, they're going have to require outside help. They do have enough individuals, but with the extra help, it'd lessen the load on their shoulders. This isn't what half of the group wants.

During an unexpected meeting, arguments broke around claiming that if something bad goes happen. They have all their names, their addresses, and most importantly, their faces. One of them slams a hand on the table one night at their shared home. Lawrence is in the back, smoking a cigarette, arms folded and legs crossed one another. He stares away, not caring for it at the moment. The men start pointing fingers, and Adam is trying to calm them down. Joel is assisting, trying to put their hands down. Maybe bigger, isn't always better.

"Stop being so stupid!" Kovic starts. "Okay, you know what? Meeting over. I'll figure this out. We'll have to extend our operation then over a period of days."

Someone nods in the back, others are agreeing quietly. They can't go against his words, nobody else has the fucking balls to pull off everything. Thankfully, he's been getting much of the needed work load shared with Sonntag. Someone makes a comment under their breathe, saying that this is stupid. Adam stops them, trying to make the comment be taken back. "If this is stupid, then it's stupid of us that we rescued you from the hospital when you couldn't stop vomiting blood. And couldn't come up with a bold enough lie."

Way-to-go to ruin the moment. Someone rolls their eyes, and the meeting is finally dismissed. Originally, they received a phone call while watching their movie that the gang was on their way to get the new shipment of weapons. The crates they had to steal off of a loading dock. That wasn't easy, and they didn't get exactly what they wanted. But they needed it. Most of their guns are failing from bullets often ripping into them. It was time for a change. The cockiness wanted to return, wanting to prove to everyone that they can do this with their small group and them alone.

Adam shakes his head, locking the front door when the last one left. He stares at Lawrence who was putting out his cigarette. There's a disgruntled expression written on Kovic's expression. Shaking his head, the movie they were watching was quietly playing in the background. Lawrence had said something to the other but he doesn't respond. Adjusting himself properly in his seat, he stood up quickly. Going towards his romantic partner. Raising a hand up, Adam slapped it away. "Hey, what the hell is your problem?"

"This is getting out of hand."

"Yeah, I can see that. You slapped mine away."

No need for humor right now, it's serious time. Sonntag throws a dirty look at his partner. He attempts the gesture again, this time successful. Cupping the taller man's cheek, he nodded towards the bedroom. They can talk about it more in there, away from the increasingly full living room. It's full of ideas. Their plans are taking on new life digitally, rather than showing up physically. Let's hope none of them quit now. They're into this too far now to give up the game.

Settling in the bedroom, there's a tablet sitting on each of their legs. Adam hanging off the edge while Sonntag sits legs folded on top of each other, using their fingers to scroll through details. They're coming to the conclusion that they can't do this forever. They can't can this for another five years. At most, maybe three more before someone finally messes up. Trying to punch in numbers, they're all adding up the same thing unless something unearthly like occurs. Such as an earthquake. Where they live, they're known to get terrors every once in awhile. It's rare when a giant one decides to hit, causing serious damage to everything. There was a somewhat powerful one that had hit a week ago. It caused a lot of damage to their home, and caused the most to Lawrence's equipment.

Still in the middle of repairing them all, they should be up and running again soon. Whenever that'll be. The pair are making comments to each other, talking about rather the next one. Than the future. Fingers dance endlessly on a touch screen. "Well, what about us?" Adam surprisingly brings up.

Huh? What about them? "I'm not sure where you're getting to about this."

"When all of these crimes end." He began, Lawrence staring on. They're been getting reckless. Their last heist was days ago, and the cuts on Adam's face are strongly present. The other smirks softly, looking at at his tablet. For a moment, he looks up, catching Lawrence's eyes. "I'd like to talk to you more about us."


	4. We Are The Sinners

I _If I lose myself tonight_ /I

This heist had to go without a hitch, they couldn't afford anymore problems. Someone's limping already, causing them to be a man down. Fuck these stray bullets. Adam quietly panicked to himself, thinking of different ways to get around this. They're in an abandoned courtyard, on the other side is an empty warehouse known to be storing drugs and other sources that the boys could personally sell off. None of them ever dealt, but it was one of the faster ways to get money. They often sold it for so cheap, too. Selling it random places, often having to sacrifice themselves. It's not an easy mission, and they were never to be taken lightly.

Months have past to get to this moment. Probably five to six months since Kovic and Sonntag shared saliva together. They're always so close together, making eyebrows in the room raise. Nobody ever questioned their actions during these missions. These two work particularly well together. They got each other's back, and everyone else's too. They hid behind a line of broken, hole-filled barrels. There were three on each side. Everyone having out their weapon of choice. Whispering to each other, someone gestured for those on the left side to join them on the right. They agreed, quietly running along.

When everyone had grouped up together, Adam began to discuss the details. They have a digital map of the building's first, second and third floor. What they're aiming for is on the first floor, but it's so heavy guarded by other gangs in the area that it's not a wonder this group of unknown is making a name for themselves. _FH_ , as they call themselves. He explains more that there's six on each corner of the building on the outside, and even more on the inside. The first floor is going to be crazy hell to run through. Being sneaky was not everyone's favourite thing to do. In fact, Bruce sighed, comparing it to his crappy video game. But if it gets the job done, so be it.

Kovic goes on, telling the others that they have new equipment to detect body heat. They can't get nervous, they can't begin to warm up. The evening is cold, but they're dressed in gear that is making even Spoole shiver. Lawrence doesn't say anything, checking on his own phone to find out when's the best time to strike. There's always a strong dislike whenever he has to be there physically. Always at home instead, or in a disguised black van, nobody could ever trace him. It's not the case here. Unfortunately, it seems like greed is starting to kick in for most of them. Something Sonntag stopped caring about a very long time ago. He sighs, putting the phone away. Darkening clouds circle the skies. They wanted to cry, and if they did. It'd make this mission a bit more difficult than originally planned. None of their devices are waterproof. It's going to be quite a task trying to pull this off.

One of the men begin to stare up from where they hid, seeing if any of the members of the enemies will go off guard, or get distracted by something. They're not stupid, none of them are. What they lack in education, they put in their all in brute strength and the use of firearms. It isn't difficult. Any idiot, or, professional can fire a weapon. Wrap a finger around a trigger, aim it at something, at anything. And fire it off. Simple. When the other begin to ask questions about what's going on, not much has changed. It's already late. The later they stay around, the more of their evidence they'll have if the authorities decide to search the premise afterwards. It's going to happen, it's definitely going to happen.

Lawrence stares at his watch, and it's barely striking midnight. He whines to himself, nudging at the others. The cold is beginning to get to them. They're not superhuman, but they're definitely hitting that age where they couldn't do most things like they used to. Ten years ago is a completely different story compared to what it could be right now. He takes a look at Kovic who is quietly whispering things to himself. The words are hard to read, it's just too damn dark. Finally having enough, one of the men brings out a flash bang. Some stare at the other. And one of them rightfully declares that they should do it.

"Adam?" Somebody whispers. He snaps out of his whispers, blinking after noticing a navy blue canister in someone's hands. It's going to be loud, really loud if they use that. He thinks about it for a moment. For a very long moment. The person with the can begins to shake it. Claiming that can't wait all night and go-empty handed. They have to get this shipment, and sell it off. If anything, it's just an excuse for them to get a piece. This didn't start to happen until very recently. Maybe that's why there's a bigger change in the ringleader.

"Go on three." He finally replies.

Empty brown eyes catch a glimpse of Sonntag's expression. There's strong discomfort hiding there, his face stern and annoyed. He knows this, Kovic knows he's annoyed. This isn't his field, this isn't where he belongs. Perhaps, and just maybe. He had brought his romantic partner out here for comfort, just incase something happens. These thoughts, they're starting to go against him. One of them gestures for all talking to seize. They need silence, until the firearms begin to scream their mights. Someone began to count to three. At two, three of the men jetted out of the shadows, running towards the abandoned building. Someone throws the flash grenade but it doesn't do anything. The toss wasn't a great one. When the flash cleared, the others stare on, freaking out. "W-what are you doing? Go follow them!" He shouts at those who stayed behind.

Lawrence didn't move as the others are rushed from their covers. Immediately, the opposing group of men see them. Hositering their pistols from their homes, fingers violently on the triggers. Bam, bam, bam. The bullets whisk their way towards them. Most try their best to dodge what's going on. Sonntag is still behind, his eyes affixed on Adam. He's afraid of what he's going to do. Is he crazy for doing such an act? Kovic gestures again, but when Lawrence didn't want to move. He quickly ran up to the man, pulling his arm. Tugging him back to his feet. At this very moment, a shell of a bullet casing enters Adam's forearm.

He made a violent groan, hissing and cursing himself. They're still standing in one place. They're two targets asking to get shot. Unfortunately, that's the case. More shells ring around them. Two more entering the man's same arm. This time he yells. Sonntag wants to pull him back, take him away from the violence. But with the ringleader being the king of this heist, he can't go back. Not so easily. Their other men return fire, the sounds of yelling rang out of them. Lifeless corpses drop to the ground. Spilling their crimson contents onto the dirt. They mixed together almost instantly, taking on a brand new color. Some of their own men had to reload their weapons. Clips dropped carelessly to the ground, they sprinted in different directions. They can cover more ground like this. Or, so they hoped.

Kovic mumbled, from the sounds, it was complaints about the pain. He led Lawrence on the other side, his arm violently dragging on his side. The firearm he once had in his hands are loosely hanging off his body a strap. Holding his injured arm, he shook his head. Sonntag stared on with concern. "This is a mistake, we have to go back!"

Adam didn't say anything, he just hissed instead. He can't hold a weapon and try to fire it. The recoil would cause that accuracy to dramatically drop. It could've hit a fellow teammate, and they would of been in even more problems. Already this is taking too long. It should easily take an hour, not four hours. Lawrence continues to preach down the other's throat. Declaring that they should turn around and leave. Grab everyone else and go back. It's too dangerous to be here. While they danced around the building, together they dodge pistol shots intended for them instead hits the ground. The leader is quiet, he doesn't want to say anything right now. He's clearly annoyed that the first to get hit was himself. And bringing loud-mouth here wasn't making it any better.

The pleads go on. When it was safe for only moments, Adam quickly turned around, and slammed his fist against Sonntag. There's no other way of shutting him up here. He probably wanted them to go back, and explain why Kovic can't go back in. It's too late for words, running away from the scene quickly. Lawrence had to step back. The blow was a strong one, instantly drawing crimson from the man's nose. Good thing he didn't wear his glasses, he would of been screwed big time. Holding his face, and obviously upset, he wanted to chase after his romantic interest. And he was going to when a random, stray bullet went into the man's leg. Yelling, he used that anger and turned it into energy, running towards the others were. One of them was holding a metal door open, finding and easier entrance rather than climbing the building to its highest floor.

Slamming that door shut, the men were in a hallway. On the other side of the walls was their prize. Adam desperately wanted it. He had to keep himself sane. He knows he's slowly losing it. His age is getting to him, it's getting to all of them. They're constantly tired, and probably do not have much longer for this drive. But when the pay came, their talks of quitting seized. Lawrence slid down the wall, hissing. One of the men ask what happened, and he quietly explained about the bullet wound. Not the heavily-bloodied expression on his features. Someone leans down, puts a hand on his shoulders while a few stare at Adam. They know what's going on between him, but the other is completely ignoring him.

This isn't like him at all.

"Get up." Adam tells the homeowner. He shakes his head at first. Fuck, it's like talking to a slab of drywall. The man doesn't listen for anything, no matter how much he goes on about useless subjects. He directs the men into three groups. Two go one way, and the other three go this way. The hallway has two directions. Whatever is in front of them while the other makes a turn that probably leads them to the left. They both nod, leaving the couple behind. They're handicapped now, unable to complete this without any marks, any sort of bruises. Damaged goods.

"Get the fuck up right now. I'm not kidding." Kovic repeated himself, kicking those heavy duty boots against Lawrence's thighs. The man whines, groaning as there's where he was shot previously. Adam doesn't care, and has had enough of this. He leans down, using his good arm to pick up the man forcefully. The other complains loudly. And if he second arm wasn't too shot to do anything, such as moving, he'd cover those thick lips. And make him shut the hell up. He's being a child. Perhaps this is why they leave him behind in the getaway vehicle than take him on a mission.

Lawrence complains even more, wondering what the hell has gotten into Adam. He's not happy, he's definitely changing from the person he used to be many years ago. Throwing his gun behind him, Kovic grabs the other's hand, and interlaces his covered hand with Sonntag. His complaining stops right away. He sniffs, as he couldn't breathe properly right now. There's a sense of relief. The sounds of gunfire go on inside of the walls. The sounds footsteps disappear. Theirs are the only ones that could be heard. Followed by more yelling, there's a knot in both of their stomachs. Please, everyone. Maybe it out alive.

Whenever the gunshots decided to come closer, the sounds of their fronts breaking into anything they had hit, it made Sonntag squeeze Kovic's hand. Was it weird for him to do this? Probably. But the ringleader isn't saying anything about it. He breaths in softly, trying to be calm and claim their winnings. Unfortunately, what happened next wasn't planned.

The men that had split up came back to find each other, and quickly snatch over the lovebirds. They're screaming, they're shouting to get out of the building at this very moment. There's a bomb inside of the rooms, set to go off at any seconds. The men froze, having to have the others tug on their backs trying to escort them all out. Adrenaline kicks in, pushing their feelings out of the spotlight to get out of here. To get the hell out of there, and get some help. All of them ran to the same entrance, all trying to get out at the same time. When one of them paused, they were able to exit freely. Some of them dropped their expensive guns, taking off their gear to quickly haul ass and get out of there. Adam broke their hand holding. Went to hold the door open, seeing one by one run out. Followed by Lawrence running out last. Good.

He wanted to grab their equipment, and threw it inside the building. That way, there isn't any for them to be identified. And Adam went for it. What a cocky idiot. THe others are running as far as they can, out of the lot and into the back allies. Lawrence was about to join them when he saw what his partner was doing. Oh fuck no. "Adam!" When that didn't work out, the homeowner had to run out there, and grab the idiot before he decides to torch his life away. "Adam, come on! You heard them!"

He doesn't respond, he's trying to throw everything in with one working arm. There's sounds of beeping echoing in the building whenever Kovic goes back and throws in more items. The enemy gang members sprint to safety, swearing away as they hopped a nearby fence. At least they're the smart ones in this situation. They probably have ten seconds at least. Maybe less, or more, it won't matter if they don't move. When he refused to comply, Lawrence snatched the man by his backpack, pulling him back. He fought back, trying to shake free from Sonntag's grip. Refusing to let go, he tugged on him harder. "Come on, you fucking moron! I'm not dying, and you're not dyin' either!"

The pieces aren't connecting. The words go through ear and come out the other. There's strong worry in his face, not even interested in their feelings right now. He's going to lose the ringleader. It's similar to a domino effect. One by one, they'll start dropping to the grounds. By something themselves caused, or by the work of somebody else. Please, please. Let this idiot move. Move. MOVE.

 _iIt'll be you and I/i_

A clip from a cheap pistol drops from its position, hitting the dinner table below. It bounced once, then hit the tabletop It sat next to some dishes, a cyan coffee mug that Sonntag tends to use whenever it's clean. It's weird, the dishes are cleaned now. The crap inside of the living room has been completely organized. Most of it is in the man's bedroom. Either by the television, or by the window. Its blinds had finally given up, desperately falling to the ground one night. It's been there since. Thankfully, his bedroom window is facing the backyard. No need for thieves to come and pick up some prized wares. It was a good investment that Lawrence put bars on every window since then.

He places the firearm back on the table, running a hand through his hair to relax himself. Turning his head slightly, he sees Kovic on the couch. Passed out with a thin blanket on it. On the table in front of him, are some drugs. At first, the homeowner wanted to kick the man out of his home for bringing in such filth. But Adam fought back about Lawrence's use of cigarettes. This is why those bars were a good idea. The amount of dealers that have tried to come and claim their earnings from the night that was ultimately ruined won't stop coming over. Hence why the man is reloading his gun. It's been very creative of them to dispose of the bodies, placing them in different places with messages carved into their skin. Their phone's data completely wiped and re-programmed. Having nothing but an _FH_ appear in black over a white background. Nothing isn't the same anymore since that night.

One of the men in their gang had to go on hiatus for a while. He met a woman, and she's changed him for the better. The group supports each other, allowing this leave to happen. At least they're happy. Lawrence? He's somewhat happier than before. At least with the drug usage, Adam's a bit more down-to-earth again. And. Violent.

The withdrawals have been extremely difficult to deal with. There's plenty of holes in the walls, done by Adam himself over something so stupid such as running out of coffee filters. The other has tried to calm him down, talking him through it but it doesn't help. It isn't until he runs out of energy. Then, he blacks out. They've been running around as criminals for about a year now. They had to file false paperwork for taxes under different names and addresses to avoid the authorities. Everything has been tough. And one of these days, Lawrence is sure Adam is going bring this home down. He's been living with the homeowner for about eight months now. Their relationship? Heh.

He takes a seat at the dinner table, having today's newspaper in front of him. He stares at the man on the couch, his feet propped up on the broken armrest. He snores slightly, then snores. Sonntag stares, smirking to himself as his eyes dance around the words on the paper. Their relationship. It's surprisingly grown. Back at the failed heist, they went to the hospital together, leaving all their gear inside of a dumpster outside of the medical building. Receiving the help they needed, the bullets were removed. They were released days later because of required surgery. And, Adam's mental health. The men and women there had seen the signs as well, giving the man medication to take. The bottle sits on the table near the drug usage. Still having a seal around the top. It's probably for the better that he doesn't take it. He's obviously more relaxed like this.

Their relationship. They call each other vulgar nicknames, then laugh right after. They're closer than before, and they've began experimenting in the bedroom. It's been quite a ride, really. But it was better than what it was a year ago. Both of them alone, probably unhappy. And succumbing to the idea of the American Dream. Glad that's been crushed, and they've decided to do this instead. It's brought Lawrence closer to his friends, considering them to be his closer family out here in the middle of nowhere. He's glad that the gang is fine with the ringleader and homeowner dating. As long as it didn't interfere with their executions, they're all happy for them. Nothing terrible has happened yet but it's terrifying to see Adam do these kind of things. Destroying himself. Hell, it even took him a while to even consider a relationship. He doesn't talk much about his feelings.

Why would he? There's too much on his plate. But most of them have been shoved aside or solved thanks to his partner. Funny, Sonntag hasn't dated anyone in a quite a long while. And to be honest. It feels pretty fucking nice. Fingers still trace the wording of the paper as Lawrence reads to himself. Adam moves again, but doesn't say anything. It's late morning right now, and the winter season coming to close. Spring wants to shine, and it sure has. It's been pouring non-stop these last few days. The weather is relaxing, it's calming. One of these days, when the rains above decide to give everyone down below a break. Lawrence is going to invite Kovic back to the beach. He'll appreciate it then.

A notification from Adam's phone goes off, startling the ringleader. He sits up, looks around for his phone. It's on the ground. Picking it up, he checks who sent him a message. The other doesn't look up. He unfolds the newspaper and opens it in a random section. Trying to see if they're in the news again about what happened last week. They've been performing smaller heists, and it's obviously the better option. Sitting the phone back down on the floor, the man yawns. He lazily calls for his partner who isn't responding at first. Clearing his throat, he did it again.

"Lawrence, come here."

Getting up from his seat at the table at a reasonable pace, he approaches the other, still on the couch. His tattooed arm sat on his forehead, remembering how to breathe again. The other stared down, hands inside his pocket. Making a headnod, Kovic catches the gesture, expressionless. There's a smirk somewhere, probably in those tainted eyes. "I'm here."

There's no proper response heard. Instead, he coughs, staring up at the other. "Give me a hand here." Throwing out his arm, the other catches it. Adam presses his feet to the ground as he's pulled back up. Back onto his feet again. His eyes, although, bloodshot. Were relaxed, and happy. Happiness he hasn't felt since sharing a bed with him in months. Right when Lawrence was about to say something about the news, he was greeted swiftly by a smooch on those lips.

Surprised, the other returned the kiss. Trying to hold onto it for longer than intended. It must of worked, because the other had his hands on the man's hips. There's a smile present on one of their faces, it's evident on who it is. They break for a few seconds before going back at it again. And again. Leading the way, Sonntag gently lead Adam back onto the couch, pushing him down to take a seat. There's a dirty smirk on his face while the shorter of the two sits in his lap. If there's anything in Adam's system right now, it's long gone now. He was glad to be sharing this kind of moment instead. It's still a terrible, terrible reason that he's still using Lawrence.

Still using him for sleep aid, and yet, so much more. One of these days, the pistol sitting on the tabletop is going to be used for the wrong reasons. The time isn't now, not when they're all rolling in so much funding. They could purchase communities at this point. But why would they? There's no point if some individuals are starting to catch on that they're the ones behind everything. They're going to have to get clever if they decide to never get caught. The sounds of clothing drops to the ground.

Two lanky arms are wrapped around the ringleader's neck, whose taking in his victim's new appearance. He's not toned, but he isn't unappealing, either. He's definitely have a face anyone would kill for. Adorkable comes to mind. One of them snickers, as light whispering could be heard. The shorter one rolls his head around, then felt a thrust below. Someone's impatient.

When one of them offers to take this to the bedroom, the other happily agrees. One by one, they get off of each other, standing straight. One grabs the other's hand, pulling him away to share smooches as they adventure into the back of the house. There's a bit of laughter, but it settles down rather immediately when the sounds of a door locking can be heard. From there, they decide to take the rest of the day off. And explore more of their newfound addictions. This time, Adam actually wanted this.

 _Lose myself tonight_


	5. The Password

_I woke up with the sun_

The Earth's first companion has decided to raise up earlier than usual. There was a recent time change, causing it to come up earlier, and become darker much later. To be honest, it's a terrible time change. The men have to waste more time in waiting for the darkness to strike. They rarely performed hits in the daytime anymore due to nearly getting caught out at one time months ago. They've changed a lot this past year, but have grown even closer. They've learned new things with each other, and feel depression as well. Times are tough, and they're increasingly growing tougher for the Sonntag household. Only recently, did he join his significant other in drug usage. The cigarettes weren't cutting it no longer. Plus, Adam always hated the smell of them.

Morning shined through their window. A white sheet has been placed over the hole in the wall, pretending to be makeshift blinds. They didn't help much. Lawrence simply rolled over to his side. Arms reaching around his significant other's waist. He's shirtless, and snores in response. Adjusting himself in the bed, Kovic puts his arm over Sonntag's. It's been like this for a long while now. The pair have been getting personal like this. They're still experimenting, although. Being fair, Lawrence can't really handle it well. But ever since he was pressured into trying something he didn't want. The man has began to relax big time. It's a nice change. The sunlight, though, pesters the homeowner. He removes his arm from the other who whines in response. Sighing, he turned with his back facing the bed. Then sat up quietly. His hand rubbing his eye sockets free from the night before.

He does this for a few minutes, finally opening his eyes and looking around. This bedroom, this whole house. He shares it with the man beside him. A yawn escapes, covering his mouth while doing so. Their shared bedroom was at least a bit cleaner now that the other's usage of illegal substances have cleared his mind enough to clean a bit. It was weird one morning finding a bunch of spoons inside of the coffee pot when the shorter of the two had to get up early to modify government documents online. That was an interesting morning. It unfortunately resulted in a lot of yelling, a lot of screaming.

Adam was freaking out, thinking the other was accusing him that his use of illegal substances are the blame of it. He had to hold his hands over his ears while Lawrence pleaded with him that this isn't true. All he asked was why were the spoons inside the pot. He was freaking out, afraid that the cops were outside. Afraid that they were going to take him away from this place. Maybe he was the person who set ablaze his own home. Nobody knows. The other fought with the tattooed man verbally, trying to accuse him of wronging Kovic. It turned into a giant mess, and eventually became physical. Sonntag wasn't going to take this.

The pair violently threw punches at each other. And sometimes, a slam of fists against their faces. Adam definitely packs a bigger punch. It's a shame the other can't defend him without going for the cheap blows. He didn't want to hurt him, so the blows would continue all over. Something snapped on the inside of the other, it's evident. He wouldn't normally do this. And it isn't because of his questionable mental health. There's something he's hiding. Those thoughts were quickly cut off when he was grabbed by the collar. And easily tossed to the ground of the hallway. Crimson leaked from multiple places. Lawrence is bloody and bruised, arms too weak to hold up anymore blows. There's going to be plenty of bruising when this is all over. Adam got off of him, and ran to get something. Exhausted, and too painful the move, he simply stayed there on the ground.

Coughing multiple times, it didn't help. There's something in his throat, but it doesn't want to come out. He tried speaking again, pleading with his significant other. He doesn't comply, and comes back with a self-defense knife on his person. Lawrence doesn't see this. He's still down, eyes closed. When he opened his eyes, the ringleader had a hand around the other's neck. Now, it's time to fight back. His own hands are placed over the man's strong arm. It wouldn't budge. That knife is carefully held in his right arm, in a position that it can penetrate easily, and far inside. Lawrence tried to wiggle his way out, yelling vulgar things to the man. He didn't stop, those eyes are cold, and deceased.

Repeating his name over, and over, and over. Didn't really do anything. Sonntag, afraid of what his life has come to, did his best not to shed any tears. Allowing weakness to show would only make him fade away quicker. This isn't an option. But the hand around his neck, along with the knife sticking out him, broke the homeowner. He gave up, dropping his hands to the side, and turning his head. This must of worked. Because the sounds of a knife being thrown carelessly against the kitchen walls could be heard. The grip around his neck loosen, and was replaced by Kovic's head. There's something on his neck, but the other could hardly feel it. What is that feeling?

That night, those two slept in the hallway. Adam apologized pretty much that whole night, telling the other that he had no idea what snapped in him. That he's fine, and clear headed at that moment. It's a night neither of them are going to forget. The way Kovic squeezed Lawrence that whole time, was a reminder that he does care.

He does care, right?

Yawning again, he pushed the blankets off of himself. Leaving the ringleader to still rest where he is. Armed with only boxers on, he gets up, and throws on something to at least be presentable. In the living room, he spots the area where he was pinned down a month ago. There's dried crimson on the carpet. Every day, every fucking day. Adam has to walk down this hallway, and see the harm he caused. Lawrence's face is nearly completely healed, but he can still feel the terrible blows. They pained him, they screamed at him. It's a tough moment to think about, and the men hardly talk about it. If anything, Adam's been asking a lot of questions about Lawrence's future.

It's weird, really. Sitting at the dinner table again, he awaited for his partner to get up. They need to go to their meet-up spot in the city, and discuss what's really going to happen when this is all over. The man grabbed a tablet that was nearby. It was Kovic's. He pressed the home screen button, but was surprised when he was met with a passcode. Weird, it wasn't like this the day before. He'll bug him about it whenever he decides to get up. It's odd that he'd do such a thing when they share pretty much everything else. Shaking his head, he got up from the table, going to get his smartphone charging on a kitchen countertop. It's flashing green, meaning there's some messages on it. If anything, it's the others checking on Kovic's health. He's falling apart, and refuses to get help that isn't Lawrence.

It must be a good thing. Lawrence is the only person that Adam will listen to anymore. The heists are different. But when they're outside hanging out together, as a group of having a plus one. Things are really unusual, but fighting off the thoughts of it doesn't do anything. All Sonntag cared about was how he felt after the other. Yeah, it's a crush that's involved into something more. Something that could last for a lifetime but. Adam's never really been open with his feelings. Sure, he'll press on kisses, sometimes touch the other. But that's about it. Otherwise, he's always serious or has his nose in a white substance the other refuses to touch.

Grabbing the phone and sitting at the table again, there's sounds of shuffling in the bedroom. Someone's awake. Lawrence doesn't say anything, he stares at his lock screen. It's a dumb photo of him and Kovic at a local fair by the piers. The pair sporting a pair of sunglasses as the sun departs for the day. They're both smiling, holding onto what it looks like to be plastic, transparent cups of cheap alcohol. It was a day they all agreed to take together, getting away from the crime life, or their personal lives. There was plenty of laughter and smirks that day. Hell, the gang didn't even negatively comment on the two sharing a kiss. Kovic having his arm around Sonntag the whole time. It was a wonderful day. They have yet to share another one just like it. Time for a change of plans this evening, that's exactly what they're going to do.

Lawrence sends the group a message. Letting them know that after the meeting today, they're going to go have a bit of fun. At least most of them haven't changed much, so it'd be a wonderful refresher for them all. Nearly all of them but Adam have read the message, either sending their replies back or not getting a response at all. Two of them agreed it'd be a good idea. They can hit up a movie, then go to some cheap bar right next to the joint. Then, pass out at their hiding place. It sounds like a plan. There's a dumb smile on Sonntag's lips, but it disappeared as fast as heard the door open. There's footsteps coming from the hallway and out comes Kovic. Tired and disheveled-looking. He nods towards him, rubbing his face in trying to wake himself up. "What time is it?"

Huh, good question. Lawrence searched for his phone when he realized it was in his hands along. The digital clock read about one in the afternoon. Oh boy, they're just a bit late to the meeting that was suppose to happen half an hour from now. "Late. Get dressed."

 _Thought of all other people_

They arrive a bit later than originally planned. They had stopped a local drive-through at a coffee shop to get some breakfast. A plain bagel and some coffee for Lawrence who was driving. Adam had the largest cup possible full of his favourite drink. A breakfast sandwich in his hands.

Heh, they even got a vehicle. Used, and somewhat cheap. But it got them from point A to point B.

Whenever his hand wasn't on the steering wheel, it was found on Kovic's lap instead. The other would smirk for a moment, trying to eat his breakfast as quickly as possible. Finding a decent parking spot, the pairing got out of their vehicle, heading up a pair of stairs located in the back alley. This part of town wasn't particularly dangerous but it never hurt to be better safe than sorry.

Knocking on the door, it swung open. It was their other teammates. The smirk, at each other, laughing about their little adventures in the drive-through. It was even more interesting that Adam didn't comment about Lawrence's choice of music. Funny, it was all something foreign, something only he and his kind of people would like. They gave each member a headnod, putting their drinks behind them on a desk. This place is much better than their previous one. It didn't rot the air to smell cigarettes, but having carpet molding is probably a little worse. Still, it was away from the waters. They're in a busy side of town. Nobody's going to stop them or know where the hell they are. A safe haven, when home fails to hold up to that standard.

The discussions start. The men begin to talk about their future, wanting to plan things out. Someone wants to move far away from here, leave their guns, weapons, everything behind but their money. And a bag in hand. Go start somewhere new, find someone to fall in love with. And do whatever it takes to make that person happy. One of them is currently in the middle of that, but they're still in the talks of it all. Somebody else is talking about staying within the city because they grew up here. They didn't want to disappear so easily, not when there's so much going on. Home is where the heart is, and that's in this goddamn forsaken place.

Another claimed that they want to invest it all into something, and probably go back home to stay with family. They've received news recently that a family member is ill, and could really use the funding to help them be healthy again. Lawrence nodded, staying quiet. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do, other than to spend what time he has with Adam. Adam doesn't say anything either. He smirks every once in awhile, taking sips of his coffee. Those bags under his eyes seem to have age him more and more. And with the drug usage, it isn't going to make them any better. He's getting into the heavier, dangerous ones. One of these days, he's going to find the man overdosed.

One more person goes on about what they wanted to do, but Sonntag didn't catch any wind of it. When it was his turn, he was spaced out. Arms folded as he stares at the carpeting. They ask him questions again, but the man doesn't respond. That's when Kovic nudges him, causing the homeowner to shake his head and stare around. Huh? What were they talking about? Someone voices that it's obvious in what he wants to do, and the others laugh about it. Adam shrugs, not really caring about it. They ask him again, this time hoping for a proper response. He nods, searching for the correct words to connect. What should he do? He has all the money he could ever spend, and take the dream vacations he's always wanted. Away from most things, maybe.

"I can't really say something different other than what you've all suggested." Avoiding the obvious, they take his answer. It's understandable, so they turn to the ringleader. He shakes his head, knowing they won't let him go out without an answer. Of course they wouldn't. That's why they're all such great friends. He nods, opens his mouth for a moment. Then closes it.

What would be appropriate here?

"Probably seek therapy."

Instantly, the room goes silent, and nobody responds. They know about his inner thoughts, and the struggle he had with Lawrence. He came into a heist once with a beaten and broken nose. Bruises all over. He lied saying that it wasn't Adam's fault. His head wasn't in the right place at the right time. Somebody coughs, breaking the silence. Vehicles outside honk continuously, unable to arrive to their locations because of one of many reasons. Someone says something, then brings up Sonntag's text.

"O-oh. Right. I wanted to do something different. I know you all have something personal going on right now. But let's drop those fears, and go do something fun as a group."

It's two thirty in the afternoon at this point. He wasn't sure what they all could do that they could agree on. It wouldn't be bad to hit up a bar right now, but it's a little too early for that. They could see a movie, but there's nothing really good playing right now. They'll think of something. "Alright, if we're done wastin' time, let's get going!"

 _places and things I've loved_

The men went ahead of them. Lawrence took this time to talk to Adam about the locked tablet screen. He pondered if his phone was the same way. They're quiet at first, walking on the streets to find something to do. Heading downtown seemed like the logical thing to do. They were no less than four long blocks away. Plenty of time to squeeze information out of the ringleader. Sonntag had his hands inside of his jacket, sometimes looking up at Kovic. The man seems out of it, probably from the food from the coffee shop.

They're never going there again, duly noted.

"Hey, Adam. I tried using your tablet this morning. It has a passcode. Are ya afraid of sharing something with me?" He said this to his partner when the guys were ahead enough that they couldn't listen blindly. Looking away from the man, he blew air out of his nose. Frustrated. It's tough getting things straight out of him when he's so. .. What's the word? Loopy, would be appropriate. "Kovic?"

"Huh?"

"Your tablet."

"What about it?"

It's like talking to a fucking brick wall. He only hears what he wants to ear, and says the very minimum to get by. This isn't like school ten years ago. No, this is a real life situation. Questioning their relationship, Lawrence cocks an eyebrow. Is he actually being serious or making this into a huge joke? Huffing, he repeated himself again.

"Your tablet. Passcode. Why."

The other laughed, not wanting to say why. It's dumb. Why did he want to use his? Sonntag has his own. Adam's is full of reports from their heists. Collecting them to show off in the future when the hype about them has completely died down. He shrugs, looking over at Lawrence. Wrapping an arm around the man's shoulders. The other one took it. Giving him a squeeze, followed by a kiss on the forehead. There's some hope that this would be better than speaking. Of course, it isn't. Big mouth said something, asking again why. No response, and it's probably going to be like this each time there's a question asked.

How long have these two been dating? Probably a few months. Neither of them keep the dates to remember. It's cheezy, but as long as they can speak to each other like they always have, and share the same bed at night. It's all good. Someone points in the corner about an arcade they should visit. It's brand new, and they'll probably all really enjoy. On the door read that individuals must be twenty-one or older to enter. Great, and it has alcohol. They've hit the jackpot. Going inside, Adam stopped Lawrence right outside the front door. There's a puzzling stare on one face. The other one is as cold as it could ever be.

What's he doing?

Wrapping his arms around Lawrence's shoulders, and taking him in for a hug. There's a deep sigh of relief. Dumbfounded, the other didn't know how to react other than wrapping his arms around the other. Is he alright? Or were these the withdrawals. The dark thoughts he had are fading away. They'll return soon, whenever that'll be. He won't be ready. Someone with this kind of mental state of mind is not a functioning member of society. At least he has friends to drag himself down with. Whether or not he had genuine feelings for Sonntag as Lawrence did for Adam, it was tough to tell.

Head resting on the side of the homeowner, he whispered something. Asking if something happened. Adam doesn't reply. Instead, he pulls back, arms still resting around the other's shoulders and neck. Their eyes meet, connecting and staying connected. A pair of lips shift open, but there's no words that could be heard. It felt as if time itself had froze for this moment. These two men, going against society's social ideals, and being together like this. The people who were on the same sidewalk as them either stare, or called them names. Neither of them heard a word, as they're concentrated on themselves. An arm drops from Lawrence's person. Adam places a thumb under his chin, rising it up just enough to have the pair share a passionate kiss in the public.

When the kiss had broken, time resumed, and the men, women and children ignore them completely. Good, they weren't interrupted then. They each took a step back. When Adam had offered his hand out for Lawrence to hold, he gladly accepted it. Their fingers weren't interlaced, but the gesture was sweet enough that it satisfied both of them. Entering the store, the pair met up with everyone else. Later in the day, they had bought beers. And bounced from one place to another to get something to eat. The whole time, the gang socialized about their adventures, replacing the wrong words with the right ones to throw off any clues or hints that they are the criminals everyone's been looking for. Lawrence has a hand placed on the other's thigh the whole time.

It was time to depart ways for the evening. There's another heist soon, this time skipping out on the one for this week. And giving them more preparation for the next big operation. They agreed, that on each successful heist, they'll have a night of fun. The crew enjoys to see Kovic smile whenever he's not buckled down on stress and depression. Let's keep it that way.

Days later, he disables the passcode on his tablet and phone. There was nothing on there to be found. Other than multiple sites, articles and step-by-step guides on how to commit a suicide.


	6. The Sun, It Sets

_I woke up just to see_

Months ago, the gang agreed to go on adventures together. Whether it would lead them to a sports bar, or going to the beach. Or seeing a comedy show together. It brought them much closer than before. They had money to spend, and their individual styles shown through. Little by little, each of them began to let go of their previous lifestyles to adopt something more risky. It's a price to pay, but none of them felt like stopping. They're each collectively happy. That happiness can only last for so long. It's true what they say.

Money can't always afford happiness.

Options are becoming limited because of their size of operations. People have been trying to find out what this 'FH' symbol means, and how many individuals are involved. It's hard to get help when the ringleader is begging for it at this point. He's so damn ill, nearly all the time. Peaceful thoughts have left, a deadly mixture of alcohol and drug usage stays strong in his system. When Sonntag discovered the man's recent web search history. Given they share pretty much everything now. They fought again. And again. The verbal arguments are far less than those of physical altercation. It's causing too many problems at home.

He doesn't want to kick out the other. He can't, not when he's really starting to fall for him. It seems like Kovic feeds Sonntag just enough to make him believe that they're still both trying in this relationship. Or rather, the man is using him for now. One of these nights, someone's going to disappear, and their bank account is going to be in the negative. It won't be pretty, but time can only tell when it happens. Lawrence is growing frustrated with this, and has spoken to the others about it. Usually, he doesn't say anything about the physical arguments. But the verbal ones? Half of the gang knows it word for word. They know how violent Kovic can get when he's suffering withdrawals. Still, it's unusual that he's the only one to calm him down after violent outbursts. Then again, he takes the blunt end of it all.

How many times has he found himself on the floor, bleeding somewhere and having multiple hospital visits in a week? Or even in a month? It's an unusual number, and talking it out doesn't seem to help anymore. Adam never wants to talk about himself. He's always talking about the heists and the gang war. There's been multiple drive-bys around the neighborhood, knowing that a few FH members live around here. They've been targeting random households, aiming at them blindly in the middle of the night. Trying to execute the men who are taking away their zones. None of the bullets have been towards their home, but they're getting closer.

Adam wants to fight them back. But then that ends up throwing their cover, and all of Lawrence's documents and files. If they were to lose that, they might as well lose all their funding, too. Crunching numbers isn't an easy task, and the other should know this. But when he sleeps for pretty much half the day, does what he wants with his personal time and goes back to sleep. It's terrible. The few times he's awake anymore are for missions. Lately, he's been staying back. The feeling came back to his arm after being shot multiple times about a year ago. Goddamn, he aches constantly. He's not the only one feeling it. Lawrence does, too. And badly.

They started doing this as a group of friends almost two years ago. One of them has since quit. Apparently having a stray bullet barely missed his head was enough. They still keep in contact with the man, and if anything. He sits in a getaway vehicle, or next to Sonntag during operations. They talk sometimes, always talking through headsets to small receivers the each member has. It's unfortunate that another person wants to stay back. That means there's less of them on the field, but honestly. They can't be blamed. At any moment they could die. Any of them could die. It could be another trap again. They could set off another bomb, or have their weapons malfunction during the heat of the mission. Two years. Has it really been this long?

The pairing have been living with each other a month in. Was it a month? Or was it three? At least Lawrence has someone to blab to when his internet forum buddies are off doing more important things. Being function members of society, naturally. It was nice for a while, he had to admit it. Adam always added in at first. They barely talk now, and the man is overwhelmed with exhaustion, and stress. A dark cloud follows him wherever he goes. One of these days, Adam is going to kill Lawrence over something. It could be anything. Money missing, or something else that's gone horribly wrong. It scares him, it honestly scares him. The men can't do anything. They're equally afraid to approach him.

Fuck, this sucks. If they weren't criminals, they would of sent his loony ass out of here already. No, actually. They wouldn't. Lawrence would talk to the men, talk to Kovic to convince him otherwise. Alcohol seems to work well when he isn't dabbling his nose into a powdery substance. He loosens up, and actually talks. What a terrible thing, to force someone to drink so they can have a decent discussion. The day that Sonntag made the mistake of hiding the man's liquor and drugs was one of the worst decisions anyone could of made.

"Where is it!?"

A voice screamed inside of the shared home. Sonntag in another room, an office of sorts. Posters are everywhere, maps pinned to the wall. Pushpins and string of many different colors decorate the area. Some have writing near them, others have sticky notes that are beginning to fall off. Articles that Adam has collected have been also posted behind him. Ignoring the shouting, because Lawrence knows he did Kovic wrong. He flipped a few papers in front of him, sitting at the desk. There's a desk lamp at one corner, and a computer monitor at the other. There's several of them, too. In front of him is a wireless keyboard, and wireless mouse. Pens are scattered all over, and rings from coffee mugs have stained the desk. Adam is screaming again, continuously ignoring the yelling.

The doorknob rattles. It's locked. Soon, it begins to shake. It shakes quite violently. Then, there's kicking. This time, Lawrence drops whatever he was doing. Standing up quietly, he shifted his office chair out of the way. Making his way around the desk, the door flew open. It's been kicked right open from its secure position. The sinking feeling of knowing one messed up, is a terrible, terrible human thing. Sonntag stood where he was, having a stern expression of concern written on his face. Adam isn't taking it. He starts yelling in the other's face. Grabbing him by the collar, he pulls the other closer. This reminds him of last time. Of what happened when he was grabbed. And punched to a bloody mess. He tried taking off his glasses, but Kovic didn't allow it. He slapped away any hands he thought were meant to him.

Veins are popping out on the side of his temples, his neck and arms. He's more than outraged. He has that appearance that Lawrence sees when an operation begins. This may be his last day on Earth. Yelling back, he tried convincing the abuser that he's out of his mind. And that he really needs to seek some professional help for the drug use. It angers him more. Adam pulls Lawrence, throwing him against the wall. The back of his head slams against the pinned areas. Fuck, that really hurts. Just as equally outraged, the screaming continues.

Nobody wants to call the authorities out here. The force is low on men and women, and making them come out here takes more than an hour. They can't respond to every crime-related situation. But abuse? Or acts of extreme violence? Heh, good luck. None have ever gone out on those kind of calls again because of what happened a while ago. The innocent was lured, and they were brutally murdered. Their bodies delivered in garbage bags back to where they live. The police aren't sly, they aren't going to help anyone but themselves. Pigs.

Lawrence tries to make a fist, wanting to smash it against Adam's handsome features. He doesn't get a chance to. Kovic catches the view, still grabbing onto his clothing. He shakes Sonntag violently. Shoving him against the wall multiple times. Hissing, he drops the fist instantly. There's crimson already spewing from the back of his head. It dares to wet those raven strains behind him. Leaving a bloody mark on the spot. Adam asks him one more time. Where are his things. It was a whisper. Sonntag didn't reply, giving a negative reaction. The screaming began again. The pain escalates whenever the other did something, anything. He's ruining him for the worse.

The drug usage on Sonntag's end barely touched what Kovic has had. And that's plenty enough to make even the most drug-addicted homeless individual give a run for their loose change. Enough of this. Picking up the shorter gentleman, he's thrown to the desk. The lamp falls down, and the light bulb breaks. The other items on the desk dance around, being thrown into the air. Swiftly they touch the grounds again. Something cracks, others drop with a loud thud. Lawrence hits the desk violently, taking the wind of him. He opens his eyes to see the other look around. Time to attack. Making a fist again, he sits himself up, about to slam Adam down. Nope, too late. The other had just remembered he had a pocket knife on his person. One he 'earned' has a personal victory after removing another drug maniac. Quickly using it against his significant other. The skin on the man's fingers are cut. There's yelling.

Fuck, that hurts.

Another mistake. He stared at his bloodied hand. Adam went in again, wielding the knife. Lawrence held up his hands, trying to cover his face. The slice went in on both hands. There's even more yelling. They're bloody screams. And the pigs won't be here for another fifty minutes. It leaves Kovic with enough time to cause some more hard. To get what he wanted. Lawrence puts his hands down, staring at a murderer. His eyes are widen, and scared. Those lips quiver. His smartphone is sitting on his nightstand. And the equipment on his desk wouldn't work to call the authorities. No matter how the outcome is, he's fucked. He's freaking fucked.

Adam drags the dagger against Sonntag's neck, pressing the tip of it right under his chin. He asks him again. Where are they? Where could they be? If the response was to trash them, heh. It's definitely his last day here on this planet. There's a period of silence, and more quivering from Lawrence. Kovic asks again, this time a bit louder. Swallowing thickly, he has to comply. He has to let him know about the truth.

"I-I threw them away."

One.

Two.

Three.

The knife shifted from his neck, to the man's shoulders. There's stabbing. There's crimson flying. The screams and horrors are deafening, and there's nobody to help him. The stabbing continues against the back of the desk. Going from one spot, to the other. On both shoulders, he wanted to ruin him. He wanted to ruin his damn day. He wanted to see red. There's red, oh yeah, there's red. But there isn't enough of it. He carves something into the man's skin. Getting more than just shoulders. Staying away from the face, and the neck. He gets most of the pale skin to dye a new color. This is the beauty he wanted.

This is what he gets for messing around. This is what he gets for forcing him into a relationship he wanted nothing party of.

The screaming stops and the body on the desk is lifeless. Adam drives the knife into his shoulder one more time. There's crimson everywhere on his person. All over his hands, and arms. His clothing, face and neck. There's a pool forming once more. It leaks, dripping down to touch the aging carpet below. Taking a step back to see what he's done, there's a devilish smirk present.

Ah, the beauty of being a criminal. And murderer. There are no regrets.

Pause.

…

"Oh no. What have I. …?"


	7. Face Full of Sand

_Of all other faces_

Word got out quickly of what happened that night. The men rushed to Sonntag's side, location Kovic was by the freezing cold ocean water. It was two in the morning. Guess someone butt dialed, calling one of the members of the gang. That person heard the entire exchange, rushing over as quickly as possible with the help of the others. The phone was discovered there right after. Kovic didn't have any expression present on his face, he grabbed the item from the corpse's pants pocket. Tossing it along the side of the road. There's no use for it now. It's all over. It's all fucking over.

Armed with a shove, and the car the couple shared. He was trying to make a shallow grave. Months ago, Sonntag had brought him here. Remembering that he used to come out here frequently to relax, or to get the stress off from the day before. It was the perfect opportunity to rescue the still-breathing man. Three men from their organization arrived, crashing their car in the process. Two of them ran out quickly while the driver had to recover from the accident. They run down the hills, spotting a black muscle car close to the tide. There's a figure there, thanks to the light the city gave off. They knew exactly who it was. Tackling down the ringleader, he immediately fell. Hitting the sand. Arguing for those to get off of him, one of them refused. Calling him a bloody murder. A traitor. The yelling went on. Somebody had to check on Sonntag. Opening the front door of the vehicle revealed nothing. Instantly, they went to pull a lever on the driver's side. Opening the trunk.

Rushing behind the vehicle, they threw the trunk door open. There's a bloody blanket covering a body. It had to be their fallen teammate. Grabbing the sheet and tossing it aside, there's the man. He's covered in cold crimson, shivering and can barely open an eye. Holding himself, he could hardly breathe. The moonlight, it aches. Someone tells the man that it's going to be fine. That they're going to get him help. As for Kovic? One of them had a pair of handcuffs on their person. Getting ahold of his wrists, they slapped the metal device onto him. Pushing his head into the sands. The questioning began.

The driver of the vehicle finally made it to the scene, attending to Sonntag first before getting to the murderer. Both men gently put their arms under him, lifting him out of the vehicle. Their arms are covered in crimson right away. He's pale, and he's going to lose this battle from blood loss if they don't get him out of here right now. One of them asks if the vehicle can still drive- the one they had crashed by accident. It's in crappy shape, but it'll work. There's a hospital nearby. Nodding, they carry Sonntag bridal style towards the damaged car. As fast as they're in, they push the pedal hard, driving off frantically.

Kovic's screams of pleading had stopped. He was out of breath due to the individual sitting on him. They asked him again, why did he do it? Why's he doing all of this? He doesn't say anything at first. Adjusting his head, so that if he spoke, the wet sands wouldn't enter his mouth. He began quietly.

He mentioned that he'd been depressed for a long while. For about a year or two, and needed and escape. When he had first brought up the discussions of doing these type of organized crimes, it gave him slight happiness. It helped him cope with it. When the arson burned down his home and his belongings. He confessed it was apart of his 'plan' to disappear. The massive amount of firearms and alarming amount of ammo that he had was him hoarding most of it. Kovic mentioned that if it wasn't for Sonntag asking him if he wanted to move-in that day, he would of been dead years ago.

Kovic then stated that he never imagined that Sonntag would have a thing for the same-sex. That it came as a complete surprise, he only did it because it made the other happy. And that it made the ringleader fall completely asleep and stay asleep whenever medication failed. Hell, maybe he really does care about him. But during this whole time. This whole damn time, it was a set-up. He didn't mean to get the others involved. But it happened. Going silent. That body relaxed. It made the man sitting on top of him finally get off. He huffed, believing these words. Then, he brought up another question. What's with the drug use?

It was an escape from when reality was too painful to live through without the use of any 'help'. Yeah, Sonntag helped sometimes. But he often shut down any actions or words. The rare moments where he actually did feel the same way came from the heart. Those were feelings he actually had. Fuck, he really does care for that man. More than he should of.

"He saved me when nobody else came to pick me up." Adam whispered to the other, eyes shut tightly.

That's enough. The man helped the murderer to his feet, patting his back, shoulders and arm free of the sand. If, and only if Lawrence can recover from this. The couple have a lot to talk about when it's all over. The other held onto the man, walking around their vehicle and opening the door for him. Sitting him in the passenger side, they went back around and took a seat on the driver's side. It's time to leave this mess behind. And pray that the other will recover. Turning on the car, they threw it in reverse, getting out of there as soon as possible. What's left behind was the bloody blanket, and shovel.

They aren't going to need those anymore. The crimson will dry out, be blown into the waters and hopefully sink to the bottom. Never to be recovered again. They'll think it's a group of teenagers again, messing around in the early morning hours with nothing else to do. It's funny, those individuals should stay inside. There's been an increasing danger of them simply being picked off of the streets.

The gang member dropped off Adam at Sonntag's home. He vowed that he would keep the other company until Sonntag recovers. It's going to be a very long time if he does. But it'll be worth it. It'll be definitely worth it.

 _you were the one next to me_

Recovery was long, and extremely painful. Too many surgeries to count on two hands, and a lot of therapy. Yes, he did make it through. They squad decided to pause the heists until the other has healed enough to be at least back at home. It's been a long few months. Time certainly has been flying faster and faster. Able to use his hands and grab items again. It was the last part of recovery. There's been so many visits from everyone, bringing in snacks or something decent that Sonntag might like.

There's been no visits from Kovic.

On the last day of the hospital, they discharged the man. He thank those that helped him get back to strength. And is even sporting scars from the event. Damn, there's way too many scars. Everyone knew it was his last day out. So it was a surprise when he had seen Adam in their car waiting for him. He had a pair of sunglasses, parked in front. Turning off the vehicle, he grabbed his keys and made out from the car. Closing the door behind him. The nurse that had wheeled him out via wheelchair had them confirm that this was his ride back. Standing up straight, Lawrence waved the nurse farewell, and thanked her for her care. Turning back to the taller man, there's a bit of a crooked smirk on those lips.

Someone's looking a bit scruffier than before. The other stared on, afraid of what he was going to do. When Adam came closer, defensively, Lawrence put up his arms. Wrapping his arms underneath Sonntag, it was a hug. He blinked a few times, wondering what was going on. Loosely, he did the same. Wrapping them around the man's waist. Kovic didn't want to let go, giving him squeezes from time to time. He stopped when he heard a sound of discomfort. It's been so long. It's been way too long. Whispering could be heard, but Lawrence is unable to pick up on any of it. What was he saying? Asking again, that's when he turned his head.

"I missed you so damn much."

A surprised gasp came out rang from the homeowner. That's when he gave a squeeze as well. People walked around them, entering and exiting the hospital. They stared on, giving a smirk before going on their separate ways. Was Adam being serious right now? There's more whispering. A bunch of 'I'm sorry's. A ton of them. That's when he hugged Sonntag even harder. It was becoming awkward. Suggesting they go home so they can talk a bit, Adam leaned back. He stared at the other directly into those eyes. They're lovely, yet, afraid. Turning his head slightly, Kovic went in for a kiss. As much as he wanted to turn away, Lawrence wanted this too. He took it in, going in to return the smooch. Their lips met, and stayed together like this. It's been such a fucking long time.

The ride home from the hospital was quiet. Adam didn't say much, only breathing softly. Lawrence didn't do much either. He stared at the driver, seeing that he has a patch on his arm. What's that for? Eyebrows furrowed at what it could be. Maybe he's on the road to recovery. Lawrence questioned him, but there wasn't a response. Yeah, he really does want to keep these kind of discussions at home. Fixing himself in his seat. Fine, so be it. Probably better this way. What hurt most, is that when Adam had tossed away the smartphone. He saw that the wallpaper was them together, making dumb faces. It's a bitter reminder that he nearly killed an innocent man.

Arriving home, Adam parked the car in front of the home. He was being a gentleman at this point, walking quickly to open the door for Sonntag. Another cocked eyebrow but he wasn't gonna stop him. Stepping out, Kovic closed the door behind him, then took his hand. There's a big change in the man. Unlocking and opening the front door. The place is dramatically different. It's clean, and bright. Lawrence's computer equipment is still there, but neatly organized. This is quite a surprise. ".. You re-decorated my house."

Adam mentions that his isn't the only thing he's done. He smirks, leading the recovered man to the bedroom. Sitting him down on the still same ol' bed, he locked the door. Kovic then stepped back, taking a seat in front of Sonntag. The moment has came. It's time to really discuss how he felt just like he told the others.

"Lawrence. Remember when I said kids burned down my home?"

The man blinked, confused when Adam came closer and took his hands to hold. "Yes?"

"It wasn't kids. I did it. It was a step-up. A-all of this was a set-up. I never meant to get anyone other than myself involved when I wanted to start a life of crime."

A puzzling look came onto Sonntag's face, but he nodded along. Alright. That makes a lot of sense. But why would he do that?

"I burned down my own home. Because later that night, I had plans to kill myself." Adam paused, noticing the frightening stare from the other's face. He gave a squeeze to his hands, trying to calm him down. "But you called me, because you recognized the neighborhood."

"You asked me if I needed a place to live while I tried looking for a place of my own. Nobody has ever done that for me."

Nobody? Guess he called at the right place, at the right time. Lawrence stares down at their hand holding.

Adam continued. "I accepted, because I thought it was a second chance. And it was. At first, I only accepted your feelings because you gave me what I needed. What happened a few months ago. Made me realize something different."

Those eyes shifted up quickly. "What was it?"

He started off with a dumb chuckle to himself, where are the words? The appropriate words? "You showed me something I've never had before. You made me realize that you really do care about me. And. I do, too."

 _You can feel the light_

"I know it's going to take days, weeks. Maybe months or even years for you to forgive me. But, I've came to the conclusion that I might love you back?"

Nodding along, there are no words for this. Lawrence is at a complete loss. He's speechless, and confused. So Adam does care. And he has shown some change. Not enough to immediately let things be the way they were before but. He's a different man now. He's new, he's back to himself, like how he used to be years ago. It made the man smirk, giving off a friendly squeeze, too.

"And what about the drug use?" Sonntag asked. Adam shook his head.

"I kicked the habit. It made me into someone I never wanted to see again."

Again? He'll have to question about this later. For now, Lawrence dropped his hand holding. He can't fight off his feelings. He knew he wanted this for so long. There are still so many questions he has. About what Adam has done since then, and what's going on with the heists. When he did ask about them. He received simple answers. The heists were on hold until Lawrence was okay again. And Adam received the help he needed. Right now, he's dealing with the homeowner, and that's all that matters.

They stopped heists for him, they stopped many things to await his recovery. This is too weird. Having all of this attention on him. Sonntag admitted that he only grew feelings for Kovic when Adam moved in. There was no previous history before. Maybe a drunken kiss. Huh, a kiss. Probably that's all it took. The sunlight shined through the replaced blinds, lightening up both of their facial features. Lawrence shifted his lips, but he couldn't find the appropriate words. Instead, he smirked. He kept on smiling.

" _Clark Can't_ is now a _Clark Can-do_ again." Added the other, smirking quietly to himself.

With that, there weren't any more words. At least for the time being. Kovic came close, putting his hand underneath Sonntag's chin. He pulled him close, to share another kiss. And another. They went on to make-out slowly. Feeling each other again since it's been so long. Lawrence will not completely forgive him yet, but within time. With time, he will.

The kiss seized, the pair of lovebirds staring on.

"Tomorrow, we'll get you another phone. We have another heist later that day."


	8. Recovery

_start to tremble_

He's burning out, he's crashing. Under self-made house arrest, Adam fought with Joel and Bruce who tried to keep him calm. It was an extremely difficult situation. Bruce locked the front door, making his escape near impossible. With the bars on the window, there was no where that Kovic could run. He's screwed now. This memory. It haunted him. Just an hour before, he had thrown the bloodied corpse of Sonntag into his vehicle, about to bury him alive. The man got lucky, having their teammates get there just in time.

They had to hold him down, he just wouldn't stop. He started to yell, cursing his teammates and especially cursing at the two men in front of him. They didn't take it, just tried their best to restrain the man down. It's tough. At some point he must of broken down into sobs. Making him weaker in strength, and completely bitter. He had knocked down their possessions. Most of it being Lawrence's equipment. There was a picture frame sitting on the counter top that had been kicked off as well. It was a photo of them both from a long time ago. The glass had broken, and Kovic stepped on it ruthlessly until he ran out of steam.

It'd be a while until he would run out of steam. Bruce had to sit on top of his back while Joel kept his legs bound. They were having a casual conversation. About how this happened. They both knew that Adam has a terrible drug problem, and that Lawrence's ways of making him drink alcohol wasn't helping. It added fuel to the fire. The sun is now rising, about seven in the morning now. Kovic is passed out, sleeping quietly. Greene gets off of the man, and leads Joel to get them into their shared bedroom. Lifting him up from one end to the other, the men got him lazily on the bed. Good. Wiping the sweat off of his forehead, Joel nodded towards the other. What a damn situation to get into.

Leaving Adam in handcuffs while the other men slept in the living room, he woke up immediately sometime in the afternoon. Sitting up in his bed, he looked around. Then partly remembered last night. Trying to pull his arms out, they were bound. Dammit. Where is he? Is he dead? Does anyone know? It's late afternoon now, going into early evening. Throwing himself off of the bed to stand on his feet, he went to open the bedroom door. When he swung the thing opened, in front of him was a second bedroom. The one that Lawrence used as office and was often held inside. The door was kicked off its hinges. Going inside revealed a much more dangerous truth.

Adam stepped aside the door in the room, looking over at the mess. There's knife marks all over the desk. And a dark-colored liquid sitting on the table. It even matched the terrible carpet. Sounds of buzzing are being made, indicating that Lawrence's devices may have froze during the altercation. There's so much damn crimson everywhere. It's on the floor, on the walls. On the desk and even on his person. Kovic stared down, growing white. Who did this? Who the hell would do this? Then, he remembered the truth.

It was him all along.

Stepping into the bedroom, there's some weird hope building inside of his mind that he's there. That Sonntag is there and this is just some random dream. Stepping out of the office area, carefully walking through the hallway, he turned left. Surprised to see two different men than who he actually wanted to see. The sinking feeling began. It didn't light up for anything. He's fucked. He's totally fucked now. So where is he? Where did he go? Searching around frantically for answers, one of the men began to wake up from their slumber. They put a hand over their forehead, rubbing it. Eyes immediately shot open when they noticed the murderer had a face of distress on his expression.

Getting up rather quickly, they disturbed the other individual sleeping, making them yawn a dozen times before understanding what's going on. Kovic doesn't say much at first. Lips quivered, but the words refused to come out. What the hell happened? And where did he go? One of the men put their hands on Adam's cuffed wrists, trying to calm them down. That's when he voiced his distressed. "Where is he?"

There isn't a way for them to dance around this question. Joel turns to Bruce who's still trying to wake up. He turns back to Adam, shaking his head. There's a shaky breath of hesitation. "Someone took him from us, to a hospital. W-we don't know if he's alive right now."

That's it? That's all he's going to get. Making a fist, he can feel the chains around his wrists shake. The other steps back, trying to calm him down. He should be lucky they haven't throw him into jail instead. They probably should of brought him to jail. They probably should allow him to suffer the cruel fate that he puts down on people whenever they're on a mission together. One of the men speak again. Explaining that if he were to make it out alive, it won't be for a long time. He's going to need some emotional and physical therapy to get through this. For now, they have to kill time. But it's on Adam himself if he they should find a temporary replacement for Sonntag for the missions. Or suspend it completely until he recovers.

This isn't goddamn fair. This isn't. He snapped, and completely by accident. The man turns where he is, staring at the discolored pale walls. He messed up terribly. And now, one of their men. One of the men he's probably been closest to is hanging on by a thread. Fuck. Shaking his head, he brought his fist up, trying to punch at the wall. But because of the cuffs, it made it damn near impossible. He was on a downward spiral, and has been for years. When Sonntag called him up, it was a sign of change. Though, it must of been unusual that he didn't call any of their group when it began. It was a missed red flag.

Someone puts their hand on top of the cuffs on Adam. It caught him off-guard. He stares on, bags under his eyes. Those eyes filled with complete regret. Someone suggests they get him help in some way. They get him some kind of professional help without leading on that they're the city's high-valued criminals. Everyone's been trying to look for them still, even after these years. The symbols, and the fake names have been working so far up to now. Whenever now decides to end, is when they all take an end for it.

Adam shakes his head, refusing at first. Bruce approaches him, reminding him that it actually may do more good than harm. And in the end, if Sonntag decides to stay alive throughout this whole ordeal, that's his reward. Sighing, eyes wandered to the floor. Then took a stare at the pairs staring at him. Fine. Shaking his head, he reluctantly agreed.

It took some time, but they were able to find someone who was suitable for the gentleman. Even both of the men enjoyed who was going to sort out Kovic's problems. He started going in two weeks after the incident. It gave the two men time to clean up their shared home. Trying to get rid of the crimson left everywhere. And boy, was there heavy amounts of it at first. Scratching one of their heads, one of the men asked how could Sonntag keep this so hidden away from us during the last few months? Had they known that Adam has been extremely aggressive like this, they would of done something to prevent it in the first place. One of them shakes their head, telling the other what happened, has happened. There's nothing they can do now aside from try and make this place a better one.

Even if they don't know if Sonntag is going to live.

Removing the stains proved to be a pain-in-the-ass activity to do. It didn't want to lighten up at first. Leaving a solution caking on it on the carpets first. It soon began to come out after scrubbing and reapplying again. They did this multiple times in the day. If there was more of them, they'd be easily able to cover more ground. It's fine, though. While one of them scrubbed out the stains, the other went to clean around their household. What they found is upsetting. A lot of illegal substances from the ringleader. Most of it hiding under the couch cushion they seem to rarely use anymore. So Sonntag really didn't throw it away. He hid it instead.

The therapy sessions at first weren't good ones. It was a lot of self-hatred towards himself. He made sure not to bring up anything about the heists, or the amount of money they each possessed or how they're controlling the smaller gangs into tricking them to do their dirty work. There's been too many moments of withdrawals. The other can see that. They simply tapped down different things on their tablet. They nod, seeing how Kovic is still heavily stressed out about this. It all dates back to his youth. The problems he carried to adulthood have excelled. And they're costing someone their life.

One of the men received a phone call recently, telling them some good news. Some very good news. Sonntag's body has been responding well to the medication they've been giving him. Removing him from life support, reducing his condition to critical. He's getting much better than anyone expected. The news spread quickly around the group. They're all eternally grateful that this is the outcome. That he still has another few years, hell. Maybe ten, or twenty more years. Everyone's excited, but Adam. He's the only one that doesn't know.

The group has vowed to not mention a word about his condition.

 _Washing what you know out the sea yeah_

The months of being away from Sonntag have been some interesting moments. The group has been able to breathe again, and enjoy the savings that they have, spending it on things they never thought they would once obtain. Some of them took vacations, others took it upon them to get high-end vehicles. Or buy gold and sell it for higher prices. Recently, they've been letting Kovic free from his handcuffs. Whenever he comes back from therapy, they throw the man into those chains. Afraid he's going to have another violent outburst. Hurt the two people taking care of him and send more to the hospital. They didn't need that again, or ever again.

With the home cleaned up, and Adam being allowed to access his electric devices again. The three men seem to get along now. One of them uses Kovic's phone to check for movie times. For all the weeks he's been spending in therapy and getting back to normal. It'd be a nice little reward. Sharing jokes and cracking fast ones against each other. Unlocking the ringleader's phone reveals that his wallpaper was one of the homeowner's. It's just him in the picture. Looks like it was taken from the couch they're sitting on, while Sonntag was at their dinner table. The man with the smartphone turns it to Adam, asking if this was serious. There's a slight frown, nodding. He doesn't know if he's still alive.

"Definitely real."

They fixed everything in this household. They would of installed new carpeting and walls, but living in a dump like this wouldn't be worth it. They even restored Sonntag's office, and fixed all the holes in the wall that Kovic randomly punched out of rage. Yeah, this home is a home again. It's just missing one thing.

One of them made some dumb comment, but it was all within good-hearted. They throw the device at Kovic, where he successfully catches it. Staring at the phone for a moment, he locked the item then deposited it into his coat pocket. The release date of Lawrence is getting close. He's on his last few sessions of therapy. Someone suggests they leave now before the traffic gets bad. They're going to a lovely cinema inside the city, and boy, aren't they damn right it's going to get crazy. Each of them get up, and exit the home. It's a nice reward. But all Adam can think about is was he still alive? They're playing it off really well.

Therapy is long, and uncomfortably boring. Lawrence has had enough of it already, but the doctors and nurses who have nursed the criminal back to health suggested it would do him more good if he stayed a few more weeks like he was told to. Rather than leaving early and returning because of something happening. He had finished his emotional ones, most of it dealing with how he felt the last few years. The acts of violence seen executed in front of him at home. He can barely remember the night he was attacked at home. Is Adam in jail? Nobody knows. They won't tell him. None of his friends that visit him recovering won't tell him. Whenever he mentions anything about him, they instantly change the subject. It's a loss battle, there's no reason to pursue it.

There's been plenty of time to rethink what's going to happen when he gets release. He doesn't know if he wants to return home, back to living with Adam and living with the fears again. He probably didn't change. He probably went behind everyone's back, getting into things he shouldn't have. Getting back into abusing substances. It scares him, it makes him afraid to come back home. The last thing he wanted to do was remove the man from his home. He's unstable, but needs the support. If only he accepted how Lawrence felt. Fuck these feelings, they've done absolutely nothing but drag them both down.

Maybe, just maybe. It's time to reconsider this relationship. It isn't right, and this wasn't anything he was expecting when he agreed to be criminals. Things change, things changed so fast in their lives. At least it feels great to still be alive. Seems like dozens of knife stabbings still can't kill the man. Though, it leaves him to be a vulnerable target now, if, and when they decide to go back into doing heists. They'll decide then.

A nurse decides to wake the man on his last day there. Shaking him, softly. She whispers that today's the day. Today's is the last day that he ever has to worry. That he can return to normal life. It felt like years have passed on. But it's been more than four months. Thank all, too. Lawrence was sick of seeing white and pale yellows constantly. He doesn't have to deal with the pain anymore. He's fine, he's good.

All he has to deal with for now, is an Adam Kovic.


	9. Your Downfall

_You can see your life out of the window, tonight_

The household has returned to normal. It was a while before Lawrence decided to join them in missions again. He was often at home, shifting things around, or doing household chores to feed the other. It's weird living this kind of life now. His hands haven't felt the same before. There's almost no feeling so holding items took a while to get used to. Adam helped him with this by holding their hands together whenever they went out. It's so damn unusual that he's like this. That Sonntag didn't want to believe this.

He really was telling the truth, being more affectionate than before. Before, he was completely stressed out by taking on everything at once. Now that he was sharing the workload with everyone, so much weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. It's refreshing to see that. Life has been incredibly stressful since then. But it still ached in the back of his head that Adam just isn't right. Someone can't go to therapy for that long and claim to be fine. Despite silent protests, the man admits he himself is not perfect. That he still attends and it's more of a pain in the ass than anything else.

The couple have been spending more nights together, too. They've been eating and talking more. Adam is definitely more affectionate, claiming different things or going off-topic to comment something about Sonntag. The other doesn't say anything, he just nods along while Kovic brushes his naked foot against Lawrence. It's weird, it's so unusual. But it's so damn welcomed. This is what he wanted months ago, even a year ago. Finally, there's some love showing from the other side.

They're eating something casual, Lawrence using his phone again since it has been replaced. Adam offered for the best model possible. It was a kind gesture. It's weird seeing this change in him. There's a dark thought in the back of his head. What if he's the next one in their relationship to snap? It wouldn't be good for anyone. Nobody enjoys it whenever Sonntag's upset. He's often upset with him, or at the others and easily get pretty mouthy. The men always took a step back whenever he went over the wall.

Man, they must hate him. Yet, they still deal with his shit. It's interesting. They really are a broken family brought together by their love of the little things. Two of them received more than they could of ever asked for.

Fingers tap endlessly on a small screen in Lawrence's hand. He's staring over at the articles of buildings. Studying their plans and their weak points. There's another mission tomorrow. They have to prepare now, and early. Pretty sure Adam hated it, but with his help. The pair was able to cover more ground. Ah, the scars. They've been building up. Lawrence looked up from his screen. Staring at the other's expression and appearance. The bags under his eyes seem to have grown. Therapy is not easy, and it's showing. He's suffering from strong withdrawals.

Lawrence puts down his device on the table. Seeing Adam play around with his food. "Kovic."

He looks up, showing off a faint smirk. It disappears as quickly as it came. It's a shame, he has such a lovely smile. The other blinked, staring on. Those lips moved, wanting to express something. They refused. Something is still holding Adam back. Lawrence was never really good at being able to detect body language. But his significant other is a whole different man that he actually used to be. Even with him becoming more affectionate. It's just _weird._

Wait, no. That's wrong. Adam was in a dark time before they started committing heists together. It was the reason he was ringleader. Everyone was afraid to do it at first, they've never killed a person before. An animal is different, much different. They are living things, yes. They're fragile things, easily broken or flawed such as Kovic's case. But that isn't it. Adam had to step up, and he did. He did it without any unnecessary difficulty. It was impressive, and it made the others warm up to the idea that this new lifestyle may not be so bad.

Kovic leans back in the cheap, wooden hair. He raises an eyebrow. "Yes?"

Shaking his head at first, he knew he shouldn't ask. It's apart of the healing process. To help those without bringing up trigger words again. _Please_ , dammit. Please let him not be triggered by this. There's a lifetime the other wants to spend with him. If only he'll accept it. Or, if they live that long enough to get through it. That's always such a scary, depressing thought.

The thought of death. They're playing karma against death. Escaping with bullet wounds, scratches or bruises. They still have their limbs, and their wits. They still have it all. It's been about two years. Why haven't any of them died yet? Lawrence was sure he saw his life flash when Kovic brought a knife against him. The thought triggered something inside of him. He went to hold himself, holding his shoulders. Adam saw this, staring on quietly. Fuck, that moment. It's one that can't get back. It's one that has tainted their friendship and their relationship. This is terrible. Lawrence dropped all of what he was doing, and went to hold both areas of where he was brutally stabbed.

There was more stabbings all around his body. He's weak, he's fragile, that's why he was always behind enemy lines. To be in cover, to always be protected during the experience.

He shut down, holding himself closely. That body began to shake furiously, and warm, weak tears began to stream down his cheeks. He couldn't help himself. He couldn't. It's a violent, triggering memory. And the person who caused all this fucking pain. Who caused all these fucking problems was right in front of him. Adam, he's the problem.

Kovic started on endlessly, confused on what to do. Instead, he got up, and went to Lawrence. Sonntag had his hands on his face, covering his shame, still shaking. It was a weird move, but. He wrapped his arms around Sonntag. It's evident that he fought with the other, trying to shake off his hug. It would cause more harm than good. Adam didn't get it at first, but soon shortly understood. Starring on wordlessly, the man placed a hand on the other's shoulder. Trying to comfort him the best he could. "You aren't alone anymore." Adam whispered to him between silent sobs. "I'm here, and I'm getting help." That hand was shaken off.

"H-how long will it until it happens again?" Lawrence asked, his tone scarred by sobs and nearly silent sniffs. "H-h-h-ow long?"

Everything has been painfully awkward between the couple now. Often, Kovic finds himself sleeping alone in Sonntag's bed. He stares at the popcorn-styled roof, huffing. He knew he had demons, each of them do. But he didn't think it'd get this bad. But with the lifestyle they live now, they're easily able to get substances that can distract them, and derail their once lovable personalities. And now, Sonntag doesn't want any part of it. Yeah, he still does care, but he's having a difficult time accepting that Kovic's change.

And he isn't wrong, he isn't in the wrong at all.

Adam turned in the empty bed. What would of been next to him would of been the back of Lawrence's head. Instead, it's ruffled white sheets with electronic devices on top of them. The other sighs. _Maybe he's right_. Because a month or two after being back together. He's falling into the habit again. Instead of showing up to those costly therapy sessions, he's been ditching them to go to some random party. Buy what he needs, and spends wildly. It's concerning, and a darkening path. Lawrence doesn't know anything about this yet. Kovic turns again in bed, facing the wall.

He sleeps in the living room now, fingers scrolling endlessly on a touchscreen tablet. He sighs, exiting a web application to see a photo of the men together. A photo that he held some regret when it was first taken. It was a week after he came back home. They took a photo op the day they all usually spent together. It wasn't at a pier, or at some random location. It was at one of the other gang member's house. Red plastic cups in their hands. Beer bottles in front of them, along with several vodka bottles. Rum, and whiskey. There's a ton of these photos, but it was a rare one. Where the other was actually smirking. He was probably a bit out of it then, and Lawrence couldn't drink alcohol with the meds he was on then.

Things are rapidly changing. What if one of these days, he finds Adam unconscious because the idiot decided to overdose? Overdose? Could he…? There has been some evidence that he's still dipping his feet into that kind of thing. Lawrence isn't stupid, yet, Kovic tends to do what he wants. For now, he'll have to accept this change should he still want to keep this relationship alive. Fuck, love sucks.

But it's apart of human life. Though, he may of chose the wrong partner. It's near impossible to make the heart change its mind. It's damaging. Already scarred by the years of being criminals. What else is there to lose? There isn't much else. So it's best to hold onto Adam as long as he could. Until the man throws him away, or something worse happens. Something worse happens.

The tablet in the man's hands is placed on a busy coffee table. There's old plates, trash and laptops on it. He's been doing much of his work here instead of inside of the office. It's tough to step into that office now without remembering that night months ago. It's a definite trigger. It's fear, fear that he's going to lose it all again. No, he still has time, he has plenty of time. Or, does he? Lawrence sits up from the couch, rubbing an eye socket. Who knows what time it is right now. It's probably early in the morning. Time passes, and things don't seem to change.

Two weeks ago was the night that Sonntag broke down, holding himself. Maybe he's seeking comfort in the wrong person, but it isn't going to stop him. It's not going to stop him from being close to the individual who is probably the most accepting of him. Despite his words, his language, his appearance and his knowledge. Someone accepts him, and he truly believes this. Nodding to himself, in the dark, he makes his way from the living room, into the hallway and puts a hand on the doorknob of his bedroom. Turning it slowly, it's unlocked. Good.

There's shuffling on the bed that could be heard when he opened the door. There's also no words, completely silence. The man closes the door behind him, navigating his way towards the bed. When he did make it, he felt around for open space. His eyes slowly setting from the darkness of the night. Quietly lying down on the mattress aside of the ringleader, he soon stopped when he felt multiple devices underneath him. Taking them off of the bed and placing them on the side, Lawrence dug himself into the sheets. The silence is peaceful at this hour, the other still making noise of him moving around. He soon found Kovic's body, arms instantly wrapping themselves around him. Kovic's awake, and is aware of what's going on. He smirks to himself. Yeah, all going according to plan.

Turning in the bed, Adam wrapped his around Lawrence's person. They're close now, face-to-face. They're in each other's private space. They could get closer, they could have their lips touch. Sonntag quivers, not sure if he should feed the other a smooch. Everything has been on a downward spiral. It's most likely going to stay like this. Give it until next year, and they'll be done being criminals. Instead, they'll show up to each other's funerals. Time ticks on their wrists, an invisible watch is wrapped around them tightly, bound and unable to come off. It ticks, and ticks. It reads off a number. Some of the numbers are extremely high. Others, are not. Ah, it doesn't matter right now.

It doesn't fucking matter. Right now, these two have each other. And that's all they could ask for. Lawrence quivers again, prompting Adam to come close. He shifts the shorter man, pressing a kiss on his forehead away from those loose bangs. There's whispering between them. The triggers are always going to be there. As long as there's some kind of shirt on him, he doesn't have to be afraid. Kovic accidentally graces over one of the wounds, sending the other to immediately take his arms off. The whispering stopped, and Sonntag pleaded with the other to let him go.

 _If I lose myself tonight_

They're falling from grace. They're each falling from the high fortunes they once thought they had. Bad decisions are troubling them in the future, and some of them are starting to grow a bit broke. Buying unnecessary items, spending on women (or men, who knows what they'll want for the moment) for only a few hours of heaven. The heists are going terrible, everything is falling apart. Two more men went on temporary hiatus, settling down and giving them a moment to breathe. It's up to them whether or not to continue. The first one who was gone came back. But shortly quit. He's engaged now, and was told he doesn't need to live this lifestyle anymore. It was either her, or them.

He picked her.

There's a nasty cold going around right now. It's the middle of summer, and while the nights have forgiven them from the violent sunrays, the colds have not. One of them has it badly, and that's Sonntag. He's been distancing himself from Kovic more and more. The triggers are bad. He does want to get close to him, but every time he touches his shoulders, or neck. He freaks out, and locks himself out from the world. There's been a bunch of verbal fights, too. They're yelling, screaming at each other. Sonntag has found the substances again, seeing Kovic abuse them one late night when he had to use the bathroom.

Everything isn't the same anymore. Nothing is the same. None of them saw this coming. Lawrence smokes up to a pack a day now, too keep the stress from building up. Kovic does his own thing, but does it away from the Sonntag home. He got two other gang members hooked on whatever he's into at the moment. And they've all been sharing it. It's sickening. This fucking cold, it doesn't want to lighten up at all for the world. There have been nights where Adam doesn't show up until six, seven, eight or even eleven in the morning. All he does is sleep, and doesn't even give directions anymore.

Sonntag is left to take the pieces and mend them. Yes, the ringleader is the person triggering him most. But he can't help himself. He's in-love. He's fucking in love with him. There has to be a sign that Adam feels the same. He returns, doesn't he? He throws him looks, or stares sometimes, right? It doesn't mean nothing. There's something there. But what is it?

Grabbing another tissue, Lawrence wipes off his laptop screen. He sneezed all over it by accident. Rubbing the cloth all over until it was crystal clear again, he threw it to the side of his bedroom. Then, grabbed one more to wipe and blow his nose into. This is disgusting. It's early morning right now, about seven in the morning. The man couldn't sleep. His coughing and sneezing kept him awake. Probably a good thing, as Adam isn't in the room right now. There's knocking at the front door, he can hear it. Setting aside the laptop onto the bed. Lawrence grabs a blanket and wraps it around his person. He opens his bedroom door, and heads towards the front door.

Opening it, there was no surprise that it was Kovic. Though, he appears pale. The other questions his stare, nodding his head towards him. ".. You okay there?"

There's no words from Kovic. Drool appears, carefully sliding down his lips into his beard. Soon, he nods his head yes. That's the most heartbreaking thing about these substances. All those actions, all these words are delayed. Stepping aside, he allowed the other to enter the home. When he did, Sonntag closed the front door again. Making sure it's locked, he turned to the other. "Adam?"

There aren't any words. He's home now, he's safe. The other stared, coughing to the side when he could. Ah well, better take the man to bed. Grabbing one of his arms, the other swung it on top of his shoulders. It didn't trigger him, no, not this time. Lawrence is used to this. Carrying Adam to bed when he can't do it himself. He guides Kovic inside the bedroom, making him stand still so he could remove his jacket and pants. It's always a fucking process.

One by one, the articles of clothing come off. Adam stands there, still pale. When Lawrence grabbed at his shirt, he felt something went. Huh? Looking at his fingers, it's shades of red. What the …?

"Arms up."

When Kovic followed directions, Sonntag got his shirt off. Left underneath was a black wifebeater. Carefully lifting up the cloth, he saw crimson. A lot of crimson. It appears to be a knife wound to the abdomen. Quickly freaking out, he turned Adam around, lying him down on the bed. The other ached softly, putting a hand over his facial features, murmuring lines to himself.

Running to the other bathroom, Lawrence had dropped the blanket that was once around him. Opening the covers below the sink, he frantically searched for a first aid kit. Who knows where or who he was with last night, but it wouldn't matter. When Adam snaps out of his daze, he usually has a word or two to say. Come on, where is it? When the other had finally found it minutes later. He came trampling inside the bedroom. The other is groaning now. Crap, time to work fast.

Setting the plastic box on top of the bed sheets next to Kovic, Sonntag opened it, pulling out a dozen items and trying to find the appropriate ones. This is just a temporary solution, just until they return to the hospital later that day. Dammit, they're probably talking, they probably know it's them that's causing all the damn problems in the city. That they're the ones who are secretly rich and all. It's not good at all. They came by that hospital so often that they knew each man by name. Thankfully, their seemingly fake names.

Applying what he could to clean up the wound the best he could, Lawrence would look up, and ask him questions. The usual questions. Who was he with, and what did he do? Why does he do this? For some reason, today, is a little different. Adam responses to each one, using complete sentences this time around.

"O-others. Different from the others. .. The usual. …"

He keeps pausing. "W-we got into an argument."

Adam then goes on to say that he tried looking for his smartphone to phone Lawrence, but had forgotten it at home instead. It happened about an hour ago. He had to walk home like this, a hand over his wound apply pressure. It's been a rough few hours. At least the man's smart enough to come back home. To know that the other is going to baby him as always.

A frown is present on the other's lips. He shakes his head, saying something to himself. "We seriously need to talk about this. Tomorrow."

Lawrence takes in a deep breath. Adam shifts his hand away from his face for this very moment. Their eyes are locked. Shaking his head, Sonntag continued: "I don't think this is going to work out anymore."


	10. Progression

IIt'll be by your side/i

Kovic was able to get the help he needed from the hospital after Lawrence had patched him up. It was quite a difficult journey trying to get the man from point A to point B when one didn't want crimson on their seats. Yeah, it's a decent car but it may be the only one he'll ever have from this lifetime afterwards. When he was patched up, the couple discussed their future plans. They weren't good ones either. Lawrence had to raise his voice in some parts, putting down real emotion into his sicking words. Adam just listened, sober and awake.

They spoke about what's going to happen between them. Kovic was given two choices. It was to either clean himself up, to continue their missions and heists together until the very end. Or, give up Sonntag, leave his house, and only contact him for if he really needs him. Breaking off the relationship completely. Because Sonntag isn't going to try anymore in a relationship that really isn't going anywhere. He wants to do so much for him, he wants to give him more than one could ever imagine. The offer is a tough one. One would leave happier than before while the other still fights off their demons. It isn't easy, he knows this. All of them knows this.

The offer still take another chance for this relationship is on the table. Lawrence grew tired of waiting for an answer, telling the other he has until tomorrow to make up his mind. Otherwise, he needs to pick up his things, and go live somewhere else. He'll help Adam find a new place, and help him with rent the best he could. But the man seriously needs help mentally. It's heart aching to do this. To kick someone out when it's been more than a year of dealing with their bullshit. When they're still in love with them. It's a like a circle. It never ends, it loops. The effects are the same. When one wants to leave, and escape to a different time or period. It isn't possible in a circle. It still goes on and on. This battle, it can't end so easily.

The pair still sleep together in the bed, and Lawrence rarely allows Adam to put his arms around him like they used to. The triggers are still there, the cautious areas still remain. That won't change for a while. They're going to stay there for years, but maybe that's the time it'll take to overcome this. They can make this better, but it all depends on the other. If he really wants to make this work. He would.

One night, they're together, it's probably close to midnight and both of the aging men are in bed together. They're decently clothed, a thin blanket covering their bodies. Lawrence still has a cold, so he slept with a hoodie on. The other did his best to stay away from him. Wanting to get ill before a big mission in a few hours, in the rare daylight is not a good thing. It'd be bad, and they'll have to cancel another one. These damn bank heists, they're not as exciting as breaking into the rich individual's home. Those are a lot more interesting, at least they're things to break. They could be replaced, but why would they? The other shivers. The cold is getting the best of him. Time to make a move.

Diving in gently, the other turned around on his side of the bed. He stared at the other who was shivering at this time of night. He can't be blamed, it is pretty chilly right now. Getting onto his side, Adam wiggled his arm underneath the sheets, fingers searching for the man's hoodie. They had found them and tugged on the fabric. Lawrence didn't react, he probably couldn't feel it. An arm reaches over, and stays right above the man's stomach. Still not reacting, it wasn't an immediate action. Suddenly, the man tried shoving his arm off. When Adam refused- something that he doesn't normally do- it was weird. Too weird. Lawrence coughed, saying something that became jumbled up. He fixed his wording after coughing again. Getting rid of what was sitting in this throat.

"I-I don't want this."

"To end?"

Opening his eyes, Sonntag blinked. What did he say exactly? The other was about to split open those lips when Adam repeated himself. To end what? To end their relationship? Lawrence stopped trying to shift away his arm. There's no point. There is fear, oh yeah. There is always fear. It's always been there since the beginning before they pairing got together. He sighed, turning in the bedsheets as he always did. It was never a good thing to speak to someone with their back turned. Plus, maybe the man has something to say about their deal. Eyes wandered in the darkness. The shades were too dark to make out anything. He's waiting for a response. When he didn't get one, the other sniffed, forcing one out.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't let this end. I never did lie when I said I did actually. …"

Those words trailed off. Adam had adjusted his arm around the shorter man, bringing him closer. It rested inside of his hoodie, pressing down on his back. There are small whimpers from Sonntag, but they're from this damn cold. When is it ever going to go away? The moonlight shines briefly in their bedroom. It was soon covered up by the grayed out clouds that wanted the spotlight. He's being vague, and if there's one thing Lawrence disliked most, it was that. Adam probably doesn't know about it. He's been under a lot of stress. And nobody can blame him when he claims he wants to break under pressure. Be freed from this greed and live a normal life again.

Licking his lips, Kovic did his best to avoid those words. But knows exactly what Lawrence wants to hear. That's the problem. It's fucking Sonntag, he wants to abuse this power that he has over him. It's fun in a cruel sense. Putting the man to do this or that. To put his life in danger or to save him. It's like a video game. It feels like a video game. The other smirked to himself devilishly. Yeah, just like a video game. But, these feelings, they're pretty real, too.

Good thing it doesn't hurt him when he hurts Sonntag.

"A-actually what?"

"When I told told you I actually loved you."

What a sap. Cooing into those words, Lawrence came close, also wrapping his arms around Adam. He didn't say anything anymore. It was a repeat a night before. It's always like this. Well, if he loves him, and he loves Kovic. Then he's willing to get the help he needs. Yeah, he has to. He's going to Adam force into getting help. Even if it meant being there when he should be working on side projects. Plus, it'd help him keep thinking about the future. Keep thinking about what's next. Because if there's one thing, Sonntag wants to spend more than a few years together.

The following week, it was awkward for Kovic to adjust to Sonntag sitting beside him, or even behind him during therapy sessions. It was to guarantee that he was getting the help he needed. Half of the time, Lawrence brought his work with him, working on the laptop or talking on the phone. He would excuse himself from the room at times, talking to the other gang members and wondering what they would say. The three that quit aren't involved anymore, but they still join in the conversation. Sometimes adding on unnecessary humor. It was the little things that kept them together. Throughout this ordeal. When the calls ended, the man swiftly returned into the room. He made it clear that he wanted no part of this, other than to see and watch Kovic grow in progression away from his darker thoughts.

At first, it wasn't easy. The other kept quiet. While being hammered with light-hearted questions, he often turned to Lawrence. He wasn't even paying attention for most of it. Always having something in hand as he either scrolled, turned the page or typed down something. It could've been anything but it was always different. Whenever Kovic turned around, showing either no emotion or trying to hide any emotion, Sonntag would notice it either too late, or stare back. He'd nod, having on sunglasses in this darkening room. It was always like him to do things like this. Heh, and sometimes, Adam would turn back with a smirk. Truly, it had to be love. The therapist saw this, jotting down notes on their own tablet.

After every visit, the pair would go somewhere together to eat unless they had a heist planned. They would pick whatever Adam wanted at the time, go there for a few hours and talk. It's taking a while, but really, it was much better than rushing through it. They would talk, shovel food down while sharing a laugh or two. The patch that Lawrence has is slowly working, returning his health back what to it used to be. His cold is lighting up as well. Kovic is still deal with his problems. But the couple are working on alternatives to get him away from those. Hell, it's been awhile since he's seen Kovic smirk, laugh about something irrelevant.

Always laughing at Sonntag because of how easily upset he becomes. Everyone has their patience, but him? It can be easily snapped in half, and he goes off like a fuse. There was a time once where the man was arguing with someone outside of a local business, on a slow day in the middle of the afternoon. Adam had to hold the man's arms, trying to prevent him from swinging as they mocked the couple on their 'lifestyle choices'. Because two men dating and living with each other is such a fucking sin that the public has to comment about them. It was another trouble that they'll always have. Often, Adam has to remind the other to just forget about it. That they don't know what they're doing, or how they stand on their relationship.

It's weird, the little, soft words that Kovic speaks to Lawrence is enough to calm him down, and leave the situation. This is love, yes? This is how it works, yes? Or maybe he's too trusting of Kovic. After all, he is the ringleader. And he is the one who directs them half of the time. The other half, or should they say person is Sonntag. Since there's only four of them, they had to force everyone but him onto the fields. It's turning out a bit better than they expected, and still rank in more funds than anyone could imagine. Those once-a-week sessions have resulted going to the Sonntag-Kovic home, drinking or watching something dumb on the television. Someone once brought a retro game console, spending the night drinking away and playing some go-karting game.

The pieces are falling back together. They're starting to work together again. It turns out that the therapy sessions, the medication they are both required to take, and having each other is really making this progression possible. The fights have lowered dramatically, and Lawrence is sleeping in the same bed as Adam again. Medication has its wonders, as Sonntag isn't afraid to get close to Kovic again, at least physically. They a bunch of lovestruck idiots who have ran out of other options in the world. Guess they're going down in this battle together. Things are what they used to be. And Lawrence couldn't be any happier.

Another year, another break from death.

How many years has it been since they've began the heists? It had to be three now. They're all surprised, they each had their ups and downs. They had plenty of downs. Life is seemingly returning to normal, or how it first began. Everything was much nicer then, and everything is returning to that time. Some of them have gained more than lost. And a member returned again. Making it five individuals instead of four for the last six months they've been breaking into random places. Whether it would be for firearms, substances or a murder. There's been plenty of murders on their part. It's just too much fun.

Lawrence finally sold his goddamn awful home in that crime-filled neighborhood. It was a good thing, too. The rival gang members would of popped the couple had they been a day early. They were under their noses the whole time. Good thing, too. They didn't really leave for them to grab or find out who they are. Simply a smile on a piece of paper. The couple moved into Adam's old neighborhood, about a block away from where he used to live. Living in a two story home, the men had their possessions packed into different areas. Four bedrooms, three baths. A bedroom downstairs, along with a connecting bathroom. They've claimed that room for a men's room. Whenever they want to do anything together when they met up.

The other rooms goes as followed: Upstairs, there's Lawrence's office. Still full of his supplies and his equipment. He banned Adam out of this room for certain purposes, mainly protecting the sake of their relationship and the costly amount it was to replace all of his damaged goods. Then there's a room a small library for them, the previous articles of all their crimes hand on the walls. The better of them in frames and even made to look fancy. It was a space to breathe in when everything around them wasn't good enough. Then, there's their bedroom. It was much bigger than what they used to live in, and both men agreed that they would keep it tidy compared to the hot mess that Sonntag at it.

Any alcohol consumption should be done down stairs, that way, there's less confrontation between the couple. They had paid the movers, leaving all of their guns in the garage in several steel cases. They were told not to lift those boxes, as they contain a deadly chemical that can be deadly if they breathed it in. The paint on the cases were peeling, so they completely avoided those boxes. Good. Closing the door for the last mover to exit. They paid each one a decent amount. Finally, it's their time alone. Finally.

Lawrence took a breath, happy to be in a better place than before. This place can't be older than a few years. Guess Adam used to live in a decent neighborhood back then. He smirked, viewing his surroundings when Kovic came up behind him. Pressing a smooch to the side of the man's neck. The other smirked, taking in the moment. Yeah, things are much better than before. They're so much fucking better.

iI lose myself tonight/i

Sonntag didn't have any time to pull the keys out of the ignition slot. They immediately ran their vehicle, toting what they stole from someone's home and running inside of their home. They did a robbery, just between them. It was completely unnecessary, but it helped them keep their spirits up and be less troubling for the next mission. It's always like this. The couple are always so used to doing these kind of things together. The others may know, they might not but it didn't matter to them. They were coming up with different methods. And the methods are working. Lawrence was finally able to get the keys out. There's sounds of sirens going off in the distance. They have about thirty seconds to run and hide. They know how this game goes.

The authorities are going to drive past them. They always do that. Nobody wants to join their forces either with these men ruling the streets. Reports have recently caught them wearing weird cartoon mask. While they're testing them out, it seems to be working. None of their facial features could be identified. While they have their body shapes, there are millions of men running around in this city just like them. Yeah, good luck with that.

They're coming, roaring through the streets. Sonntag was barely able to shut the door and dive into the bushes. Landing on his stomach, he growled at first. Then, he shifted his head to the side, catching a small glimpse of the police vehicle roaring down the street trying to find the criminals. Good. They're doing it again as always. He smirks to him, turning around to see Adam at the front door. It's already unlocked. He called for his significant other. When the other caught wind of this, he immediately turned around, got onto his feet and ran inside. They slammed their front door, locking it well. And pulled down the blinds to make it a clever cover-up. Kovic sighed, pulling off the mask from his head.

"These heads are tough to breathe in." Complained the healing gentleman. There's a bag on his back, a black plastic bag. He carelessly tossed it onto the unused second dinner table they have sitting by the front door. It was just some gold jewelry, and something else that had caught the men's eyes. Lawrence nodded, taking his off and placing it on the floor. He was covered in sweat, trying to breathe again. "Y-yeah."

"They work better than us switching our names."

There's a small smirk on Sonntag's lips. "Yeah, iJoel/i. They work so well for maybe the first ten minutes."

They're criminals, they're not all geniuses. They're idiots who have a lot of free time and enjoy terrorizing the cities in and around them. It's a game, they take what they want, and leave behind what they don't need. Disposing trash when appropriate. Fun, little things like that. Lawrence felt around on his person, whispering something to himself. Oh no, where could it have gone?

Kovic heads towards the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and grabs a cold bottle of water. He opens it, coming back to Sonntag's side. An eyebrow cocks curiously as he stares at the other. What is he trying to do, get himself ready for bed? Putting the bottle down after taking a generous slip from it, he nods towards his significant other. Lawrence doesn't respond at first. He soon does, trying to keep himself from freaking out. Frantic eyes stare up at Adam.

They weren't good. They weren't inviting. They're full of complete fear. Lawrence didn't wear gloves during this small robbery, figuring they'd get out clean. He screwed up.

i"I forgot my handgun."/i

"You mean. …?"

"We have to leave, right now. We have five minutes, we seriously need to fucking leave iright now./i"


End file.
